Have you ever wondered…
where all your stuff that goes missing ends up?
it’s hard to imagine that i have come across that many thieves in my lifetime
but the number of jeans, bras and panties that i used to own
and just don’t now
smaddy mus a tief me tings
and no, i’m not the type of trollop that leaves clothes behind at people’s yards
when i leave i carry my clothes and my dignity with me.
have you ever had that moment
you’re getting ready to go out and you’re thinking of what to wear and it dawns on you that you have the perfect shirt for those pants….
then it dawns on you that you haven’t seen it in months
and you devote 47 minutes digging through every nook an cranny in your house
stumbling across family members’ porn and various other things your forgot in the process (but you leave those where they are so you can repeat this entire ordeal in another two months)
but you just can’t find it
no matter how hard you try
you just can’t
it’s like there are elves that come in at nights and steal your clothes
somewhere in the world there is a giant stadium filled with all the clothes we can’t find.
including the shoes.
in my mind
are like population control
or survival of the fittest.
but dammit man, i’ve lost some good clothes