sometimes, the hardest thing to accept is not that something is over, but rather that you are ok with it.
the second you accept that a relationship is over and that you are done grieving for its demise and that you are past the bitterness and that you either don’t care to speak to the ex because you weren’t friends in the first place or you can now enter freely into an unencumbered friendship with them that is the moment you become the scariest thing of all.
as long as you are processing some amount of emotional fall out from the last relationship you’re kind of in it aren’t you? you’re still dealing with it, you’re not fully back on the market so if no one else asks you out or is interested it’s ok. you’re still occupied with the last one. But if you’re not occupied all your demons are free to attack. The ‘maybe i need to lose weight/gain muscle/change my hair/switch up my wardrobe’ demons, the ‘lets start reading self improvement books then maybe someone will want my self demons’, all of which can be summed up in the memnoch of all self doubt the ‘suppose no one else will want me’ demon.
suppose no on else in this world aside from the person you were with wants you
let that settle over your bones and make you shiver
suppose deep down underneath you’re so unsuitable for human consumption that this was the only human being that would put up with you
suppose you are one of those people who’s destined to be….alone *duhn duhn duhnnnn*
the second you free your mind of mulling over the last one you now have to deal with these, and so we hold on to nothing. we make phone calls and send e-mails and share videos that don’t even represent how we feel anymore. we drunk text and drunk dial and hurt our own feelings on purpose just so we can have something to hold on to
but suppose we didn’t
suppose there was nothing wrong with you
suppose being alone was not the end of the world?
try this…go out, with yourself, one day
yes it’s gonna feel awkward, carry your ipod or your blackberry or a book it will make you feel safer
but go out, one day, alone.
get up and go to the mall, spend as long as you want trying on a bunch of clothes that aren’t your style. the fact that you may not purchase any may annoy the store girl but it’s all in the name of a social experiment
then go have lunch somewhere, alone, enjoy observing the people all around you, maybe carry a book and make note of what you notice
then, go to the movies, alone. treat yourself to popcorn with extra butter and a brownie, laugh when you want to laugh and cry if you feel like it
maybe stop on the way home and grab yourself something cheap and cute from the pharmacy…like bubbles to blow
and head on home
was that awful?
yeh it was weird for a while there, but once you got into hanging out with yourself, didn’t you find yourself kinda…cool. kind…funny…like a date with someone who really understands you?
now before you say ‘yeh it’s fun for one day but who would want to do this forever?’ stop and think about it…no one said being alone now means you will be alone forever…and senseless melodramatics and sleepless nights and throwing yourself at your ex will not make it any easier to find someone
i won’t even bother with the ‘what’s so wrong with being alone’. i mean honestly….what is so wrong? but as a human i know it’s usually funner to have someone to do things with and who doesn’t like cuddling and having only half a mortgage to pay
yes. having someone to call your own is wonderful.
but so can spending some time by yourself, or with your friends, remember them…those people who used to fill your call log before you fell in love and who you hesitated to contact when it ended and you needed a shoulder to cry on but who were there nevertheless? yes, them.
and, sit and chit chat with yourself. you’re pretty good company
and, if there’s something about you that you don’t like, change it, but not in a bid to get someone, they may hate the new version and then what are you gonna do…change back?
the bottom line is this…if something is over, let it be over, don’t hang on for the sake of hanging on to anything that proves somebody wanted you once. somebody may want you now, or they may not, either way you’re still alive and possibly still pretty awesome