just say no to me-time (no masturbation for Lent)

and so it came to pass that the Lenten season descended upon us and decisions were taken to ‘do without’ as a proof of faith and a means of penance for sins committed year round

cakes and chocolates were unceremoniously removed from households….well those that could not be consumed before the start of lent at least

soda sales slowed to a screeching halt

the waters emptied as fish consumption doubled

and beef didn’t stand a chance, cows ran free in the streets and rejoiced.

ahhh yes, Lent had begun.

and so it was that one woman was torn about what should be her sacrifice this year. Usually she eschewed sweets and swearing but by the time mother nature started kicking her ass she would start cussing claat that she couldn’t eat sweets and it would all be down hill from there.

so perhaps a new target was necessary.

she gave up lying <–not that she lied much but little white lies count and they do make her life more comfortable, therefore giving them up and dealing with the discomfort was certainly a sacrifice

she gave up self doubt. hooorah! this was sounding mor like ‘Tyler Perry presents Lent’ every second

following some friends advice she gave up procrastination…at least she would tomorrow, and make up for the day lost at the end of Lent.

someone made a snitty comment about the things she was giving up and then she decided she would give up being a hot head as well. blessed day for the person they were saved from a beating

yes, this was quite a list.

but yet…there didn’t seem to be anything tangible. no real sacrifice, this was more about things she would do rather than not do

and so, as Lent crept forward, she crept into bed and her hands crept downwards towards her underwear in preparation for her favourite bed time activity…a little me-time

rumour has it its good for your heart and it soothes the nerves before sleep

and Lord knows she’s routinely indulged since about age 6

suddenly, a thought…could it? should she….could she give up masturbation for Lent

at the thought of 40 free nights with no touching in sight she began to tremble, actual fear over came her. it was like having free credit and no one to call. she worried she couldn’t do it, but more importantly she worried that she wouldn’t want to. that she may give up. and fail. she was in the clutches of an Onanistic dilemma. The thing that would be the most challenging should be the thing she gives up…but…she didn’t want to

what would she do?

what could she do?

what did she do?

well…

she took the decision to give it up, no masturbation for Lent. aware that she couldn’t quite cold turkey, she had the most epic night ever before turning over the reigns…to no one

two idle hands and eight hours with very little sleep.

she figured she has sweets and swearing to get her through

and if this nuh prove seh she love God, nothing ever will.

bye bye me-time. see ya later wabbit. assorted oils and etc you may gather dust for 40 days and 40 nights

it’s rather like being without food

if in a bout a week the blog posts become a bit manic…you know what it is

sympathy is welcome

chocolate is preferred

*inhale*

*hold*

*begin*

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