dear snooze bar

How do I begin to apologise for the seemingly abusive relationship we’re trapped in?
I knew I had reached an all time low when I hit you so many times you stopped working. I’ve heard tell that only happens after about a full hour of continuous damage.
Its not you
Its me
I don’t like waking up in the mornings and you are the last line of defense. You’re like border patrol, it is your job to treat sleep like a first world country with a good health care system and I’m a resident who’s been abroad in a country with swine flu and cholera.

You may let me in, but first you’re gonna test the crap outta me and hold me overnight just in case and you want to know if I’ve been near any farm animals

I don’t wanna be tested. I wanna get into sleep!
And because you, sweet snooze button, are the one that’s keeping me away, I act out

I hit you
I hit you repeatedly while I try to pretend 5 minutes more will make any difference to the fatigue I’m feeling
While I marvel at the fact that snooze bar sleep is the best sleep ever!
And wonder how long I can safely sleep without having to go to work in my night clothes

I apologise. Its not your fault. Some unkind manufacturer thought it would be funny. Perhaps in a former life you were a murderer and this is just bad karma?
Whatever the case
Whatever the reason
I’m just here to say ‘ma bad’

I will stop setting the clock an hour early so I can wake up and enjoy the feeling of going back to bed
I will set it a half an hour ahead instead
I will stop fumbling around blindly and hitting any button I assume is you until the alarm stops….you at least deserve that I am exclusive with you
And I will stop muttering ‘jesus christ, friggin alarm, weh di snooze bar deh’. Your days shouldn’t start with anger.

Lo siento snooze bar
And thanks for always having my back
If it weren’t for you I’m pretty sure I woulda been fired ages ago
Or perhaps wouldn’t have made it through high school.



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