things that confuse me (weh yu lysol deh?)

People who don’t have air freshener in their bathroom
I have come to realise that about 90% of Jamaicans, and especially those who live in the cities where windows are few and rooms are close, have an air freshener bottle prominently displayed on top of the toilet or somewhere within easy reach from the toilet
This is because while we accept that everyone must do-do
We do not accept that everyone has to know that’s what you were doing in the bathroom
Moreso if you made an effort to keep your toilet visit to under 5 minutes in a bid to pretend you only pee’d
Everybody nuh haffi know yu business
And if you share that bathroom, it only makes sense that the person following you shouldn’t have to be treated to essence de batty
At least give them essence de batty with fresh linen top notes. <—when you care enough to give the best

I find myself in shock when I go into a bathroom and there’s no air freshener there. Not because I farted (though I may have) but because I just expect it
I find myself using precious moments surreptitiously checking their cabinets and cupboards and searching for hidden freshener devices

Thinking to myself…not even likkle lysol?

Rushing to get this all done before people begin to snicker in the next room about how long I’m taking <—because I try to avoid pooping in public. Mi batty shy.

But alas, I must accept, this may be a Caribbean or a black thing. I find other cultures don’t care as deeply or possibly don’t breathe as deeply as we do
As for me, as I branch out into experiencing life in other communities one thing is for sure….
If I come to your house don’t check my purse
Cus best believe I got that febreeze mini

please believe it

and in the event that i don’t….your cucumber melon vicky secret body spray a go done before me leave yu house

or yu expensive bottle perfume, me nuh partial

and me done talk

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