This post is specifically for any person out there who may have an ex they still have feelings for and who may be doing some unnecessary collar popping and mental hyping on the person the ex is with, just because they think they can get the ex back if they want to.
From my vantage point this behaviour seems more prevalent among women, but I believe it stems from something common to all humans, so men will do it too.
Now, the old saying- old fire stick easy fi ketch. Is not something that was only relevant during the time of our grannies, and in some cases great grannies <—i concede I could have a child old enough to read and in surfing the interwebs the hypothetical child may stumble across this blog
Yes even in the age of blackberries and androids old fire stick still easy fi ketch, probably moreso because hidden on that blackberry somewhere may be a file, dedicated to you, the ex harbouring the feelings, where they keep old bbms and photos and the nasty talking voice notes you used to send. Possibly, thanks to technology, you may not even be out of sight much less out of mind
But in the grand scheme of things, that doesn’t mean sh*t
I said it
The smaddy could have 500 pictures of you and every piece of written communication you ever exchanged, including the message you wrote on the back of the wrigley’s paper, if they choose to be with somebody else, it doesn’t mean sh*t.
And here’s why
Yes, once two people have been together, it is that much easier for them to get back together. Its familiar, its comfortable. Its like a pair of well broken in shoes, you know you can walk all day and it won’t aggravate your bunions
But, if two people broke up once before because there were things wrong in the relationship or some incompatibility between them (yes I had to say that explicitly because I know some idiot going to come ask me what about the people who are forced apart by circumstance *cue celine dion* but could have had the most beautiful relationship ever<— this post and perhaps this whole blog aint for you)
If they broke up because something didn’t work, worse if they suffered with the issues for a long time before breaking up, then just as they got back together easily, they will break up again easily
It comes back down to the same memory <—double edged sword that one
Just as you remembered how good it could be….so will you remember how selfish you always found them to be at the first misstep that appears to be selfishness (or whichever other negative behaviour drove you apart the first time around)
Moreover, sometimes because you’re expecting them to act the same, you’ll see the behaviour where it doesn’t even exist
You will fantasise their flaws into existence and they will fantasise yours. Mutual benefits for everyone!
(Once again, everybody’s relationship is different, this is just my most humble opinion)
So the question is not a matter of could you get them back but rather once rekindled would the sequel stand the test of time
And if you’re trying to get back together anywhere under five years since the break up <—thats my number, it seems to take humans about 5 years to make any meaningful change to their personalities
Chances are you’ll still both annoy the crap out of each other
So, yes they may still have a soft spot for you
Yes with the right amount of subtle pressure, reminiscing, avoiding the obvious landmines between you and reminding them how awesome the sex was, you will probably be able to lure them away from the person that they’re dating
But…chances are, in about a week they will be running back to confess their sins and beg forgiveness realising what is between you has become a memory to be cherished rather than relived. Or you may send them back to the person with a do not return to sender attached to their ass. As a team, you still don’t work
With that said
Get over it
Avoid the new love if you must but at least in the recesses of your mind, accept that they are there and may be there for a while
Go and find something else to validate yourself other than the ability to hold someone who is gone
I’m sure you both decided it was best to separate
Remind yourself of all the ways they annoyed you
Get a little self righteous if you must
But move away
And if these feelings are popping up because you’re single try:
Self help books
Becoming very involved in your health
Just spending a little time in your brain and sorting through some self worth stuff
Some combination of the above should help.