payless….wah yu a deal wid?

Jus in case yu never know
Payless has opened in Jamaica.
A feeding frenzy has ensued among people who like $15 shoes and who have a pavlovian salivating reaction to the letters BOGO in combination
I’ve seen the security guard actually holding the door shut against the writhing masses so I decided to give it a week or two to pay them a visit to see if they had my favourite casco…I mean low cost version of designer shoes and the latest montego bay club strappy sandals <— you know you own some
Its rumoured there’s been a drastic decrease in ticket sales for flights to Miami as big footed Jamaicans can now find comfortable shoes at home
All we need is a walmart to open and the flight industry would be crippled
But I digress
Imagine my surprise as I sauntered into the big foot section excited at the prospect of slipping my plows into several shoes and not purchasing a one <—if you have a foot over size 10 you know this is a rare opportunity and you look to it with relish
Now, I walk pass the size 10’s, everything seems normal
Pass the size 11s…kinda scanty but OK
And then a strange thing happens
I stumble across the size 12 section<–yes one of my feet is a size 12 and where possible I like to treat it to a well fitting shoe lest it break out in corns in protest
The size 12 section is 12 shoes
Its six racks down
By two pairs of shoes per rack
That’s it

So I said ‘well, perhaps it continues on the other side’
Look on the other side….men’s size 12
Maybe they jumped across the aisle?
No, that’s women’s size 8
So, I revisit the size 12s thinking well, since they only have 12 it will probably at least be a good 12 with a mix of dress and casual and sneakers!

But no
Its ugly ass sneakers and the little fabric mocassin thingies that used to be for nurses but are taking the road by storm
So apparently big foot people should either get down with a jeans and sneakers wardrobe
Or perpetually look like they’re going to the mall
Under no circumstances should they dress up
And heaven forbid they attempt to accessorise the barges they call feet
I am giving the side eye of hell and ever lasting damnation on this one
Who makes the purchasing decisions
The payless in ft lauderdale <—which is populated almost exclusively by Jamaicans
Has big foot shoes
So it should be understood that big foot Jamaicans exist
And yet…
There they are my 12 size 12 amigos
Kiss me backside teeth

Sawt out yuself
If yu a do di ting
Do it right
Otherwise just brand yourself mr chin USA and let that be that.
*fires up to browse flights to Florida*


7 Replies to “payless….wah yu a deal wid?”

  1. GZAS CHRISE mi fren, I was with u on this joourney and feel the pain of it. Nuh mind mah, mi aggo sort out a shoe store for women like u, mi aggo name it the “Faboulous Titanic- we big and unsinkable” wha u tink?

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