when making phone calls between the hours of 11pm and 7am

I implore you
Pay attention to your key pad
There’s nothing quite as disconcerting as receiving a phone call, from a number you don’t know, late at night <—especially when you're not the kind of person who's expecting any kind of booty call action any time soon
Them that have potential booty calls my go so far as to clear the throat and assume the sexy husky eartha kitt tone when picking up the phone
For the rest of us its a mix of barely contained panic and mild annoyance
Worse if its a call from unknown number because as we all know major institutions like hospitals tend to have those
As a Caribbean national, it is almost mandatory to have relatives spread all over the country and indeed the world
And the late night phone call is an ever lurking spectre of doom
Its the bad news you've been fearing
Its the voice you don't know telling you there's been an accident
Its the opportunity lost to make peace with whichever relative you're not speaking to at the moment because they're no longer with you
Its scary dammit!
So please
For the sake of those of us who don't live in a giant compound with sister wives and every member of our family present on the same property
To pay attention to what you're dialing
Because your wrong number is somebody else's near heart attack
And once we realise that its not the county coroner
And all our relatives are safe in bed
The relief will be brief
And swiftly replaced by the duttiest attitude you have received in a long time <—unless you do this kind of thing regularly
Yu ever get attitude from smaddy wid matta inna dem eye?
Avoid it.


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