for as long as I can remember I have been taught, if not by word then certainly by action, that it is not good to take the easy road.
it would lead to laziness
or worst of all…wutlessness
taking the easy way out, even once, would apparently tarnish my soul and morals so completely that it would be a quick slide down a short hill to total sloth and caylissniss.
i find this particular way of thinking to be more pronounced in women. It may have something to do with our mothers <–and no that’s not the stereotypical blame mama routine
i believe in a bid to ensure we made the most of ourselves they ingrained in us the importance of hard work, but not just hard work…the perils of wanting a life of ease.
*cue she works hard for the money*
wanting an easy life is what makes a woman stay with a worthless man because she does not want to fend for herself
wanting an easy life is what leads to whoredom, pimping yourself out instead of getting off your butt and engaging in some labour
wanting and easy life is the fastest way to have a bad life, or if not a bad life, surely one that if frowned upon by the rest of society, especially the women in it.
you are not entitled to an easy life, you should not expect an easy life, and…essentially, you shouldn’t go searching for it either.
now, these are all valid points.
and historically there have been many factors set against women making successes of themselves and it is necessary to keep one’s eye on the ball and nose to the wheel to make it.
But i wonder if perhaps our mothers may have over shot the mark and moved us from a place understanding there may not be an easy way out to something like a fear of anything that appears too be a piece of cake.
and while its understood one shouldn’t seek the easy life, what if it’s offered up to you?
is there always cause for suspicion when something is too simple?
For example, in my conversations with women, I have found that given a choice between a straightforward uncomplicated UNBORING relationship and one that is full of confusion (which may be mistaken for passion), that they will have to work at in order to make it feasible, they will choose the confusing one.
Now, this may be due in part to a belief that the feeling of being trapped in a whirlwind is the kind of love they write books about, and the fear that anything too stable may grow tedious. But the other side of it is the belief that if it’s so easy, something must be wrong, there must be some hidden agenda, some cloven hoof or third eye the person has disguised somewhere. A hidden baby mother, a tendency to beat a woman, something. Or some incompatibility between the two of you that will only show up once she’s well and truly in love and can’t get out. So, instead of setting herself up for that fail she’ll take the one she knows she has to work at. That way she won’t end up looking stupid for thinking she was entitled to something so effortless when it inevitably fails.
but in many cases, true.
The other thing I’ve begun to wonder about as father time has nestled over me and the days go flying by, is the aversion many women seem to have to being gifted and pampered and spoiled by their partner.
why do we do it?
Is it because we believe the gifts are a cover up for something? Or do we not want the effervescent shows of love for fear that one day they’ll stop and then you’ll have to wonder if something’s wrong. Or do we just not trust gifts that come so easily, what have we done to deserve them, especially early into a relationship?
and then there’s the issue of minding <—the act by which one person financially supports another.
I myself struggle with this one. I have always thought that women who expect to be carried by their partners are lazy, and moreover those who choose partners based on said ability are trollops.
but what about a woman, who has never looked for a partner to pay bills and put out nail money every week, who happens across a love interest who wants to do those things. without being asked. and this goes for men too.
yes, i understand that with being financed by a person, the scales of power may tip and it can become a little confusing what you’re really arguing about in any given argument, and you can begin to feel like property.
but not every person is like that.
As Aleksandr Petrovsky put it <—yes i STAN for Sex and the City
“I have plenty of money, but only one Carrie Bradshaw” <–and if you know how that love affair ended you’ll know i’m not writing this from some Utopian stand point
but what if that is the case. The person has a lot of money, but only one you. and they want to take care of you.
Gifts, and money, are just another thing to give.
At the core of it, what is so awful about being given gifts, or money, by a person who loves you?
and the truth is…nothing.
it’s just another way to show love. and taking them is just another way to receive love. but then the voice creeps in that reminds us that by partaking so heartily from the fountain of love, by having a relationship so fabulous and fulfilling and painless…we may be overstepping our bounds
we may come to expect things to be easy, or to expect the relationship to be like this all the time, or to contemplate things like not working a job we don’t particularly care about but rather to do what we enjoy doing all day.
and again i ask.
if, instead of working, you did something you really enjoyed all day, even if it didn’t pay well…what would be so wrong with that?
and the truth is…nothing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying yourself
and i’m not advocating for professional girlfriend’s here, i believe you should at least have the option of leaving when you want to and some marketable skill to get you out of there. Also, if the situation changes and another income is needed get off your ass and hustle!
But still, what’s so wrong with being more happy than ambivalent in your days because you were having fun….
contrary to what we’ve been taught
what sweet nanny goat won’t run her belly…it will just sweet her
and when chicken merry…sometimes the hawk is off doing something else.
yes, there will always be rough patches in any person’s life, but does that mean we should seek out difficulty for fear that the happiness will be short lived?
or perhaps we should seek the happiness, and let the difficulties come when they may?
in my humble opinion, life has enough pain and sorrow as it is, that’s just the balance, but as women, and humans in general, the least we could do is to try to be kind to ourselves, and trust that even though pain may come, at least there were some good things
and besides, even in the mediocre work your finger to the bones relationship, the bad times still gon’ come
i’d rather some very high highs, if i still gotta face the same lows