sigh. i’m a leave your girlfriend walking like a penguin? #howtriflin

every now and again Jango barfs up something truly…horrendous

into my play list.

behold i give you Jewleyouse Merance

yes

i know you thought you read jewelrylouse <–which may be appropriate given the sheer effery that is this song

but this is just a highly bastardized version of julius

imagine you took a real name, distressed it like jeans, bejewelled it like a cell phone and then rolled it around in the mud for a farm fresh look

the end result would be jewleyouse.

anyhoo

Here’s the link to the epic piece of friggery song

the song is entitled walking like a penguin and its about..you guessed it, that special brand of loving that leaves a woman limping  in the morning

the fact that i’m from the country that brought us ‘tump har up’ does nothing to numb the pain this song causes

he gon’ leave your girlfriend walking like a penguin

he gon leave you calling like your girlfriend

….

he gon’ leave his career on jango and never dare take it into the real world. this is my solemn prayer

when did we declare war on the vagina?

when did it become a gentility no fly zone down there?

when did the aim become, not to give a woman pleasure, but to decimate her genitals?

now, don’t get me wrong, rough sex and all the things that come along with it have their place in the pantheon of freakiness that is human expression

but at the end of the day i shouldn’t be walking as something other than myself.

and certainly not like happy feet. what the rass. after me nuh live pon ice?

therefore i will not be icing my lady bits when you are done.

tacky

and worse

di song nuh even sound good

a dat bun me enuh

beat soun like when pickney tek stick an beat milo tin

wid him basic school rhymes

look here

mister mediocre rapper

yu waan be great?

try do it without the aid of the destruction of my vagina

i cyaan tell when last smaddy woulda even let yu near theirs

if these are the best lyrics you have

and mavado…

this goes fi you too

dumbass