guest blogger: 20 things kartel fava

so my friend lamby from http://iamquagmire.blogspot.com/ is guest blogging today

bear with us as we figure out guest blogging etiquette and and all dese tings <–country come a town

tek een di post:

So in the wee hours of the morning when insomnia a lick and TV boring yuh fret ms. mooretalkja and I found ourselves kicking up rumpus pon BB messenger. Technology is such a gift.

So the Dancehall Hero, Emperor of the Gaza, Master of the Cake Soap and now the Napoleon of Nappy Annie became a topical moment in conversation. I mean between the pics, the yush video we couldn’t help but take some stabs at a few apt descriptions for the lyricist.

  1. Gorilla wid Mange
  2. Something weh puss vomit up after it drink milk
  3. New born rat weh smaddy put a wig pon
  4. Him look like white mould a grow pon him face aka albino junjo
  5. Him fava poogle dog weh dem shave and gi fancy hairstyle
  6. Him look like cow from cow and chicken after the Atkins diet
  7. No gurl! Him look like Chicken after the South Beach Diet
  8. Hitler wind a tan
  9. Him look like Battleship Barbie POST-war edition
  10. A cross between a gremlin and a palm tree
  11. Yuh know every crew have a ugly one? Well for years vampire crew nuh have a ugly one yuh nuh- do whole a dem jus sexy suh. Not anymore enter Kartel the Vomit Vampire the VOM-PIRE.
  12. Kartel look like when Jamaican guh a farrin and dem waan everybody know suh dem come back wid twang and hockey jersey. Him tek a step further and come back wid weave and a bad case a eczema. “Farrin life different Ah woh”.
  13. Him look freshly embalmed.
  14. He is still recovering from the chicken pox. <–and is covered in calamine
  15. Look like some klu klux klan people buk him and lynch him…WHITE
  16. Him look like when noni fruit ripe and a rotten and ready fi drop offa di tree
  17. Him look like when yu peel potato and di eye dem leff inna it and yu leff it pon di counter and di colour change
  18. Albino mongrel wid mange <—contributed by TS
  19. Orangutan wid third degree burns

Actually yuh know what, after all the Kartel name calling we figured it out. Its not the desire to evolve from human to cretin. It cant be because him career did a struggle and him did need likkle reinvention fi stay a float. Nope. Kartel we are on to you. Admit it. Shorty acid yuh rass one night and now you a try tun it inna style… come on you can tell us. All that loving dem and touching dem was bound to come back to haunt yuh. All in all we conclude you are a marketing genius Vybz Kartel. You are what the country needs. If a man can maintain his notoriety while looking like he was singed and left for dead but rose from the ashes like any good zombie, and started selling that mess, then you are a GENIUS.

-iamquagmire

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