the truth about donkey bites

me cyaan even tek miself serious wid da post yah but

*straight face*

since everybody a walk up and down a talk bout tree nuh grow inna dem face and donkey nuh bite dem i thought it was time to shed some light on the donkey bite phenomenon

now, clearly, this phrase brings to mind jamaica’s parochial <–big word!…. past, since donkey nuh live inna city fi fun

and apparently it originated in a time when people were not fast enough to out run the donkey or smart enough to out wit the donkey and end up gnaw up gnaw up like rat wid coconut or cheese

(though the country bumpkin in me knows that neither agility nor mental ability can save you from a hostile donkey)

anyways…to those of you suffering with donkey bites, or if someone you know and love has been…..lol. disfigured…i apologise

this is in no way a commentary on your looks or farming skills

but if we goin use not being bitten by a donkey as a mark of beauty we should know  what the thing look like

there are no pictures of negroes with donkey bites to be found on the interweb….ironic, yes? not really given that many of them relocated to the projects ages ago. but just tan the pictures and darken the black and blue and yu know how it a go look pon you if you is creole

ok

exhibit A

awrite. yu see da marky marky part deh. wid di proppa craab up? a di bite dat

and yu know wah donkey say after him bite yu?

haaaaaaa!!!

onwards, so, in case you believe that is a special case, and you can allow donkey to nibble on you and still wear short skirt and tube top, allow me to enlighten your darkness

exhibit B

now, yu tink yu can carry dat go a margaritaville and quad?

i think not

me sure me see people name spell out inna it

bear long pants and turtle neck fi you

may as well di tree did sprout up pon di ridge a yu jaw bone

caw nuhbaddy nuh want yu

so a nuh lie dem a tell. if donkey shoulda bite yu, even temporarily…yu looks gone down

down down down

and yu know why?

because a dis jus heng on inna yu craw

girl, take some time off, and apply heat and a comb

dem deh summn deh nuh fi come a road

and if a so yu look even widout the unfortunate…attack

is not as a result of scars

….

well…..

every hoe have dem stick a bush

and basegod loves us all.

and turtlenecks are not stylish but slimming

eeeeyaaaaaahh!!!!!

lolololol

 

ohhhhhhhh. i would like to put it on record that when you google donkey bite…..several pictures of Jamaican party-goers come up under image results

i’m not sure what that means….but it may not be good for our interweb image

justsayin