true love schmue love, 2011 love is 30% logic and 70%sensibility

ever since i could remember i have been taught to expect the bad times when i see the good ones unfolding. you probably were too if you had a Jamaican granny

what sweet nanny goat a go run him belly

chicken merry hawk deh near

we are programmed to believe that all joy must inevitably, and possibly immediately, be followed by some sorrow

like the joy killed some don man’s child and here comes pain for the reprisal

and i get it, i understand the genesis of these cautionary tales, and since life is balanced and there is good and bad, they are accurate.

but for the sake of this conversation, suppose we consider them suggestions of ONE possible outcome versus statements of fact.

i sat talking with some girlfriends the other day, and as is inevitable when there is more than one woman in any location and there is alcohol, talk turned to love/relationships <–feminists may want to torch their laptops at reading this but meh, i’ll live

it dawned on me that for many people in my generation love is dead

not just love

that ‘true love’ kind of love that old people tell you about where the person can’t stop looking at you and you’re floating and they see nothing but you and you nothing but them and you live in harmony, if not always peace

seems we don’t trust it anymore

i started to wonder why….then i remembered the grannies….kinda hard to go bouncing around on your toe tips when you’re expecting a trailer to run into your back at any second

and then i looked a little deeper…..since birth, and this does not include the many failed relationships we have to witness in real life

we’re pretty much taught that

-the couple that appears too happy is hiding something….usually some sort of infidelity or drinking problem…or both

-there will be some crisis in the second act that breaks them up and reassigns them to their ‘correct’ semi dysfunctional partners

-a beautiful disaster is the ideal love match because keeping them from falling apart will give you hours of entertainment

-issues are the cornerstone of any good relationship

the story of your love should read ‘he got on everyone of my nerves but…’ or ‘we fight like cats and dogs but…’

and, there’s nothing wrong with those…but why are we so anti the other thing

the thing we don’t want to discuss much less *gasp* want, for fear of being cliche and uncool. its so much more fashionable to be jaded. goes with your blackberry, better yet your android.

but what about it? i’m not asking you to want to be a fairy princess…but what about option 2?

here’s how i think it went down

people are all happy happy pink and daisies about this love thing —> as a result of being so happy they love blindly and with 100% of their hearts —> due to loving with 100% of the heart and eyes wide shut they are 100% destroyed when something goes wrong—>re-grouping, nobody wants that to happen to them —> somebody stumbles across a brilliant idea…love at 70%, keep 30% for yourself and you’ll never be destroyed that way again —> rumour spreads, darwinian survival of the fittest motion seemingly kicks in and only the 70%people are alive to tell the tale and spread the gospel (or the 100% lovers are too busy being happy to contribute)—>and thus a legend is born, never be too happy that way you won’t miss it when it’s gone, never give too much, that way they can’t throw it all back in your face <–cue tyler perry music

hmph. seems sensible. it certainly works for self preservation…

and i can see why a generation of women who have better things to do than take days off work crying and shredding pictures would like it

that old school kind of love is kind of analog, and we are digital here

this is love in 2011.

but….sometimes, when you’re listening to your ipod….do you ever find yourself longing for the scratch of music played on vinyl. those little reminders that humans made this…some things aren’t 100% sterile

think of it this way….if a relationship is made of highs and lows, and they are inevitable, wouldn’t you rather have a really high high to tide you over while you go through the low? yes, i know, they may hurt you, but there’s nothing to say this person you’re merely compatible with won’t find a way to rip your heart from your chest as well. there just isn’t

so why knowingly set yourself up to function at half measure?

i don’t believe you should only be with your ‘great love’. i’m not even sure you only get one of those

but if you had the option of knowing that feeling… why wouldn’t you take that?

for fear that you may lose it, and go back to your wretched life and it will be more unbearable by comparison?

but suppose it works, and you never have to feel that way again.

and even if it does fail, wouldn’t you like to know just once what it feels like to have all the corners of your heart full to the brim?

i know, you don’t want to become adele. torn to pieces and bleeding her heart out acro0 the charts, but even she says she’d do it again

or maybe it’s because you fear you’ll have nothing to talk about…if you’re not building them up in some way, or you aren’t going through breaking up to making up then there’s no passion, or you’ll get tired of it and seek the drama….then you become the perfect couple with the secret. it could happen. but would you believe me if i told you that somewhere out there, is a person who brings you unspeakable joy like this:

you:good morning

them: good morning ๐Ÿ™‚

*glad bag bus*

simple

minimal work

minimal re-shaping and nagging and it picking and changing

just breathe in and out and be in love

there’s a person, or a few people, who you get along with so well you don’t need activities, you just need to be within ear shot of each other and it will be consistently amazing

or maybe, you don’t think you deserve that

in this pre apocalyptic-grunge-emo-shoulders slumped-issue ridden- you’re so cute for someone so ugly- sad is the new beautiful- we’ve caused so much pain we’re born with bad karma-world

where so few of us grasp our power and beauty

and though we see glimpses we flee the thought of our own greatness for fear of seeming establishment, or uppity, typical or preppy

where livers of lives of quiet desperation are the new prom queens

perhaps we do not think we are worthy of that, that…. a person who would love us so completely, to say our names with reverence, and hold our hands softly, even in a fight

perhaps we think them crazy

how could they love us, with our two heads and webbed feet so utterly

love us as if we were normal

love us as if we were beautiful, perfect

how could they?

but what if they could? would you believe them? or would you take the fixer-upper that you have to mould into your perfect mate?

people don’t really change until they see the logic. they will pretend if they love you. but it won’t last forever

eventually they will get tired and slip

and they’ll still be them

the one that ticked 7 out of 10 boxes with room for improvement

a sensible choice

but what about your heart?

what does it deserve?

i choose to believe. in the love thing. the one that may be out dated, my heart’s an antique

if it has to hurt, and it does….a little

i’d rather fly than run the rest of the way

hearts heal.

and what sweet nanny goat, jus a go sweet her, and if it run har belly, it’s 2011, we have pills for that

welcome to the millenium

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2 Replies to “true love schmue love, 2011 love is 30% logic and 70%sensibility”

  1. This was such a heart warming piece Carla. I agree with much of what you said. It’s good to know that there are still others out there not afraid to love. Take care.

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