things that piss me off …people who just ‘drop by’

what is that?

yu nuh have me phone number? if you don’t have my phone number you probably shouldn’t be at my house

i know you may have been driving past my house and yu mind run pon me

but don’t turn into the drive way…just don’t

call me…stop driving if you feel you will pass the house before the conversation plays out

call me and see if i am home and if i am in a state to receive vistors

yu know seh a dem foolishness yah mek me live inna red hills and place weh far so nobody nuh jus inna me neighbourhood

yu nuh know me life?

call before you come

suppose me a do summn?

suppose  a me lazy day and me nuh bathe or brush teeth since morning

suppose smaddy dede

suppose suppose yu nose was a doorpost would you just walk up and ring the bell?

no.

look here

i come from a long line of people dodgers

i have seen my mother crawl on her belly army style

tuck and roll behind her own coffee table

and dive on top off her off spring with her hand over them mouth and push them down to the ground

to avoid people who just popped up on the verandah

now….i don’t like to do it, but i will

and i don’t care if my car is outside and the TV is still on

thats not proof that i’m there

i could have just run out with somebody else due to some emergency

i could have left the TV on to confuddle thieves into thinking i was home

yu nuh <--corey todd style

so yu cyaan prove seh me dede

but for the sake of my knee caps that i will blister on the floor

and our friendship that will never be the same once i dodge you jehovah’s witness style <–me auntie a witness, me nah discriminate, but chhiiiillleeee yu know how it go sometimes

just call….even if i’m not in a friendly mood,  i will probably agree to the visit out of courtesy and maybe feel better after. but what i will apprecilove most is the opportunity to brush my teeth, put on a head tie and sutff my dirty laundry into the oven or fling it into my bath and febreze the hell outta the living room….especially if i’ve been eating kfc <–there’s no such thing as an overshare where i come from. you know kfc makes your stomach go boom shaka lacka woi!