say what you mean, mean what you say

having just spent the last half hour listening to my friend obsess over creating a ‘non-commital’ hail to send to someone on facebook, i realised there’s something very very wrong with us

this greeting was being sent to a girl that my friend saw recently and had rediscovered some kind of hots for

bear in mind the girl was far from memory all this time, but now she is the perfect woman

dem all a have dream bout di gyal

fine, i won’t judge, sometimes you see someone and some feelings come rushing back. some things are out of sight out of mind. i can buy that….i’m not saying that i do, but i can

more likely its the big batty firm titty combo with the tall hair on the side that’s leading to this

but di friend encountered the girl recently, at some social event that shall remain unnamed, and had a few superficial fb back and forths…you know the type…hey, what you been up to…the usual work work, work….oh cool me too, you nuh married yet. lol?

the kind of thing that passes between ex-school mates with ten years since their last english class between them

yes some of those did gwaan and now we need a message that will take us to the next level, one on one time or at least, one on one phone call

anywho, as my friend is composing this message it dawns on me that we  have lost the ability to speak honestly to each other because of some fear that people will see our true selves and our true intentions and reject us out of pocket.

so much of our communication, especially where there is a romantic interest, is pre meditated and cleverly crafty to elicit,what we think is the ideal response, and present a version of ourselves that we could not possibly hope to live up to in person.

its like continuously waving a carrot in front of the person you’re speaking to, in order to make them walk down the road beside you.

don’t think it’s true?

when last you write an e-mail or other similar message to somebody you may like off? ok. now, how many times did you back space and delete while you were writing it? how much time did you spend trying to sound like it didn’t matter to you one way or another how they responded, or if they even responded at all, when all the time yu heart inna yu mouth and yu best friend deh pon stand by fi hold yu hand when yu press send? i know, nobody wants to be desperate, and you want to play your cards close to the chest until you know if they’re interested, but when was the last time that you just liked someone, and acted like it?

better yet,  not even online…how many times yu inna a room wid smaddy, and yu can barely speak, you’re so into them, but you a play it so cool them nuh tink yu even like them?

how much times smaddy piss yu off, your friend, your partner, yu relative and yu smile through it and gwaan like it nah bodda yu, when inside it a burn yu up?

better yet, what percentage of the time that you’re upset do you actually admit it and deal with it?

or, how many times do you sit with a person you don’t like and smile with them knowing you do not want to deal with them?

these things. these things that we do that we think of as coping mechanisms, that we think we have to do to make life run smoothly, or to make people like us or accept us. these things have stopped being things we do, and have become who we are.

guarded. jaded. distrusting of ourselves. not believing anyone will want us warts and all. and a little fake

we are our own public relations machines, like unto the ones that made Rihanna into an international success #shade

and we are running at warp speed ‘handling’ the people around us and very gently trying to con them into doing what we want them to do by misstating, understating and omitting our true selves as the situation requires.

what’s so wrong with getting upset about something? I mean, you don’t want to be hulk, flying off the handle at any given minute, but what if something genuinely offends you? what is so wrong with saying to a person, respectfully, what you’ve done has upset me, and….i think i’m just gonna go deal with that or stay and sort it through as the case may be.

yes, when you voice your feelings, they probably will think you’re weird because we’re so used to people being mannequins now that the sight of real emotion may throw us. but they are your emotions. even when you try to hide them people can usually still see the vein in your forehead throbbing,  so why act like it’s not there. you’re human, you have feelings. upset is one of them. nobody is calm all the time nor should you be. just do it with respect.

and, not everybody is going to get along. it’s that simple. and yes, we can strive to get to a place where we can all be friends, and as an individual i think it helps you to grow when you  can learn to deal with different personality types. but what about when you are  just teaching yourself to be dishonest. you know you don’t enjoy being around the person. having spent time with the person you will probably go back and bitch the person out and complain about it. keep yu karma clean, don’t chat nobody behind them back. be civil when you have to and otherwise live yu life widout them. not everybody has to be on your front page. and there’s nothing wrong with you for doing that

and finally, and most importantly from this post’s perspective…

what is so awful about liking someone?

yes, we know, you’ve been hurt *boo hoo hoo*

yes, we know, people use your feelings for them as weapons against you and the more you give, the more ammunition they have. you don’t want to give your enemy a bazooka and put a big red dot in your forehead and yell fire!!

fine

but when did people become the enemy? when did we become so damn shady to each other that we had to give everybody we meet the permament side eye until proven innocent

when did we become things we had to protect ourselves from?

and….aren’t you tired of doing it?

what’s so wrong with being interested in somebody? you’re supposed to be interested in people. they’re interesting dammit!

(i swear to you i am not a care bear, i am the same semi cynical person you know and love/hate, but we’ve gotten ridiculous)

what is the point of the games? i know it’s fun to play them and there’s some kind of immediate power trip. but how good does it feel to get someone to like you because you pushed all the right buttons and gave them a version of yourself?

how good does it feel to have to second guess every single solitary thing you say to a person so they don’t think you’re clingy or desperate of trying too hard or too interested?

are you clingy?

are you desperate?

are you interested?

act like what you are, if you don’t like what you are. change it. don’t paraphrase it.

and on the other hand, when did we become so self righteous (myself included) and so competitive, and so self-loathing, that a person showing interest in us becomes a sign of weakness on their part. the fact that they want you, becomes something you can hold over their heads and titter about with friends. the  fact that someone is being kind to you or acting like they like you is an issue because *scoff* how dare they like you. do they know who you are?

let me give it to you/us spartacus style : please remove head from ass.

it’s an honour when somebody GENUINELY likes you and steps up to you honestly to let you know. that’s a piece of their heart they are sharing with you. they are trusting that even if you don’t want it, you will handle it kindly. the least you could do is be careful.

there is no power in having someone like you. believe me, if they knew you were responding they way you are, they probably wouldn’t. seems your PR machine worked. whatcha gon’ do now?

and….what is so wrong with how you are? this might seem contradictory being as i just pointed out the many short comings we share. but honestly, what is so wrong with you? yes, there’s always room for improvement, but what’s so wrong with you today?

why shouldn’t you act like yourself?

why shouldn’t someone like you?

i’m not saying don’t grow, i’m saying don’t get to a place of growth by hating on who you are. it’s not true. your haters aren’t your motivators, especially when they live inside your head

why wouldn’t someone like you if you liked them

and if they don’t, then what? you won’t die

yeah, they may tell their friends given that we’re often scoring 10s on the bitchassness chart

but what

you liked someone, you told them, it didn’t work

literally, tomorrow someone will trip and fall at their workplace and they will forget all about it

someone not liking you back isn’t as embarrassing as we make it out to be. spirit jus nuh tek. that’s all

what i’m saying is,speak to people honestly. we don’t have enough time here to beat around the bush and do cloak and dagger

at the end of the day the time you spend with the people you love will always be too short. so, go forth, and speak to people, friends, lovers all, speak to them honestly

let out the issues between you

both of you, all of you, do this for each other. forget the stuff that doesn’t matter. if you can’t. accept that and move on. don’t drag it out

but…the same goes for yourself. the time you spend with yourself will always be too short. so, be yourself, your true self. and love that person. you don’t know how long you’ll get to be that person. it’s not worth it to cloud it with lies

you are entitled to your emotions. people are entitled to respect. be free with yourself. be kind to others and live. as you are. no mind games. you’re good enough without them

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