things that piss me off: people who want ‘anything’

yu know dem?

you’re going into KFC, the brave friday night warrior who will brave the 100 strong crowd in pursuit of a meal deal because the drive through hasn’t moved since you were at the stop light waiting to get to it, and you were there for 10 minutes

and you ask, so what flavour drink yu want, and that one smaddy says, ‘anything…i’m not fussy’

and yu know if yu come back wid ginger beer or grape soda dem a go open the cup (or being as is KFC it a go spill and dem a go suck up di excess offa di top and say ‘lawd, ginger beer?’ in a voice that implies you should have known ‘anything’ means ‘anything but ginger beer’

yu know whe me do, me put every possible drink in deh, down to di tropicana orangeade so dem cyaan seh me never try

*eternal side eye of death*

or, it’s time to make a decision about where to go or what to eat, and that one person says ‘anything, it doesn’t matter to me’

but when yu say ok, mek we go sovereign – no too much pickney

ok, mek we go eat chinese- no dem cyaan tek di msg fi mek dem bone soft and gi dem cancer

ok, mek we go ital vital – no sah dem nuh inna di mood fi eat nuh grass and fi dem food haffi have salt

*this is  where yu get vex but swallow it down (especially if a one a yu fren dem man or ooman and them really like dem or nuh get di drawz yet) and through gritted teeth say* so what DO you want to eat then?

and they say, me nuh know (notice how a decisive ‘anything’ has become an indecisive ‘me nuh know’)

and go on to say ‘me really nuh care enuh. me jus nuh waan none a dem summn deh, how come unnu always a eat di same tings?’

BECAUSE WE LIVE INNA RASS HOLE JAMAICA, AND WE NUH HAVE NEW YORK CITY WORTH A CULINARY OPTIONS, BUT ME A GO BUSS A CAP INNA YU BROOKLYN STYLE IF YU NUH CUT OUT DI FOOLISHESS! to rass!

what the hell man!

a wah?

wah it tek outta yu fi just mek a decision? if yu really nuh partial, den jus fling out a soda flavour and me will get it. nuh put it pon me fi in deh a juggle and a guess and spell. worse now, when di soda come, if yu never have preference, how yu fi lodge complaint? eeh? how?

and if yu know seh yu nuh know weh yu waan eat why yu seh you will eat anyting? not knowing is different from not having a preference. yu know how much fight me and me fren dem end up inna over dis? yu know how much time we end up eat tings weh NOBODY waan eat because everybody cuddn come up wid a ting dem waan eat, but jus a bag a tings dem nuh waan eat <–yes, in my friendships having everybody be unhappy if everybody can’t be happy  is a legitimate compromise. don’t judge us

listen, you know you’re hungry, you’ve heard the other people around you either murmur about the worms gnawing through their guts, the white squall weh deh a dem mouth corner, or yu hear dem belly a growl

when dat start, you start. start think bout weh yu waan eat, so when smaddy finallly seh ‘sas crise, me raw, weh we a go eat?’, you are already halfway towards making a decision and can make some contribution other than ‘me nuh fussy’

and while you are thinking, please think about what yu want to use fi wash it down yu throat hole

because like washin yu draws that is nobody’s business but your own. ok?

now

once again

what do you want?! >.<