things i hate- CROCS

I HATE CROCS

no offense to any of my readers who wear them

but I HATE THEM

they are  hideous

they make your feet look like 4×4’s or barges, or trucks or hooves

yeah yeah we get it, they’re the most comfortable shoes ever

whoop-ti-d000

is it worth it to be seen in public wearing what look like plastic orthopaedic shoes? Please see actual orthopedic shoes below

No offense to people who wear orthopedic shoes, but plenty of them nuh cute…why would people choose to wear the uncute ones?

is there like a new corrective footwear swag that i didn’t know about?

and, honestly, how many hours are you spending on your feet anyway?

i understand if you are a nurse or some related profession that requires you to go pounding down a hall way 25 times a day and doing millions of rounds dispensing aspirin

but do you really think your trip to sovereign is gonna so be high impact that it’s valid?

 

and worse….do not try to come to a drink up at me yard wearing them

are you 5?

will you be carrying your sand bucket

everytime i see someone in crocs i mentally picture them as an infant on the beach with a dirty water logged diaper

(why cant we be, like story book childreeeeennnnn, ooohhhhhh)

needless to see it is impossible for you to look me while wearing these!

and then

jibbitz

custom made foolywang to make a bad situation worse

now its not bad enough that you’re wearing what looks like your own personal oven for cooking up toe cheese, but you want to embellish it. yes, Cars characters and skulls and cross bones <–for what, to make the crocs gangsta? steups

to give it your own personal flair?

 

WHY?

 

regardless of how thin your legs are crocs make you look like you have cankles

and they make your feet look like SUV’s

whyyyyy can we not see this?

to their merit the crocs people are rolling out many other products such as flip flops (i’ll allow them)

and now some kind of high heeled dressy number (the jury is still out)

but like the many people who were scarred by Cable and Wireless and cannot bear to think about even renting a LIME phone

it’s too little too late

your initial friggery has left me too scarred

down with crocs

and please don’t think you can par wid me while wearing them

if you’re not in prep school

or know how to perform a tracheotomy or draw blood more than seven times a day

then no

NO NO NO

mercy said no

and so do i

me done talk

 

>.<

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