how to know you’re truly lazy

You just wiped your bathroom floor with wet wipes because you couldn’t bother to go get the mop
No, not lysol disinfecting wipes
No you didn’t wet a tissue and put soap on it and get to scrubbing
Johnson’s baby wipes
The ones in the ‘baby’ pink packet with the caucasian infant on the front and the stay fresh seal
And to be honest I didn’t actually scrub anything
I just pulled out 4 of those hypoallergenic suckas
Threw em on the floor
And used my unnaturally long toes as claws to grab two per foot then did the stanky leg up and through that momo sucka
Don’t judge me
They are hypoallergenic
PH balanced
And sealed for freshness
Versus my mop that lives around the back with the 4 dogs and the rabbit
This is the cleanest the floor has ever been
The floor should thank me
And so should the little fish swimming in the ocean who I didn’t deprive of water <—yu see all dem rationalization deh?
Every part a me lazy but me brain
Bath scrubbing time now
I wonder how me can go 'roun dat

Irish spring strong and can tek off soap scum don't?


2 Replies to “how to know you’re truly lazy”

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