ahhh the joys of lazy sex

so you’ve just had a large meal, usually of something greasy like fried chicken, or if you’re vegetarian…me nuh know fried tofu

it’s a balmy afternoon, the flies are moving in slow motion, the cars driving by are like a lullaby

and just before you drift off to sleep there’s one thing that could make this afternoon better…

lazy sex

ahhhh yes, the wonderful lazy sex

lazy sex is luke warm monkey lovin’ you share,  usually with someone you’ve known for a while, because if they don’t know you, an A+ performance is always required else yu name gone a road. I’m gonna say you need about 6months of putting it on PROPPA before you can dare attempt the lazy sex

but if you’ve done all the calisthenics and put your foot on the person’s head top while being on your head top, rotated from the fan, cut a quickie in somebody’s bathroom, done it while driving down red hills road at rush hour….you know..the usual

then you can easy back and try dis

lazy sex works kinda like connect the dots. you’ve been having sex long enough to know where all the hot spots are and the right pressure and speed to get it done…and fast

initiation of lazy sex usually goes something like this

person A and B lying on the couch lightly covered in fry chicken grease

person A yawns

person B stretches

somebody notices some fabric stretching across some body part and realises that the other one has fun bits they can play with or use to get themself off <–yes, lazy sex is much like mutual masturbation

somebody pokes or swats or pinches somebody in an inappropriate place

the other one looks over and the idea dawns on them

hey….we could have sex


cursory efforts are made to remove the bulk of the chicken grease from the hands

(if one person is monk-ish then antibacterial is beside the couch so some quick hand rubbing gwaan) but more often than not is a likkle half piece a napkin or pon di couch or inna smaddy clothes the hand get wipe

and then the two oily mouth them meet

oh yes, this is what colonel sanders dreamed about when he combined the secret herbs and spices

two-twos clothes peel off

and by clothes i mean t-shirt  because nobody nah even bother fi unbuckle brassiere and them summn deh

anyting weh cyaan peel off get pull down or shift to di side

everybody rub down everybody wid di chicken hand

3 minutes pon di chest

3 minutes a feeling up other assorted areas

some biting and these things

boom boom pow


somebody adjust di fan

if necessary somebody go check if the door dem lock

everybody passes out in front of the fan for the next 2 1/2 hours and awakens refreshed ready to face the evening

and when dem reach weh dem a go, dem fren tell dem say dem a glow

it good fi yu skin!

ahhhh lazy sex. what a lovely way to pass an otherwise unremarkable midday


4 Replies to “ahhh the joys of lazy sex”

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