so as you may know (but may not care, i didn’t care a raws… must be proof i’m not a pre-teen anymore, me buss breast and all, but as usual when there’s interweb or pop culture effery Lloyd mek me haffi watch. mudda bitch!) anyways. MTV VMAs was on last night and all the kids came out to glow for the world. yes pink hair, stilletos, drag, black comediens with potty mouths and obscure bands unknown except among the unwashed were the order of the day.
you probably know all the salient points already. only reason i watched it was so i could tweet about it, so here is the shared interweb effery, twitter timeline style. chile it was a triflin’ mess
Katy Perry looks like a Sailor Moon villian. Tell me I’m lying. <–he ain’t never lied
Adele on the vmas #thingsthatshocktheshitouttame
Jessie J is killin them velvet soft. Me mean like courts mahogany settee wid di hassock pon di side dem red velvet style deh.
‘Me like how dem white pants deh a fit chris enuh <–breezey givin ’em 6ft 7ft peen fever
Bieber. Kill dem wid di bass voice. A yu seh barry young and white! <–in other news,like how di voice crack, di rapping ting may be di only option open til him face start fava man too….so about 12 years then.
Due to how @barringtonjr nuh stop find illuminati symbol inna chris brown performance. <–him stan up inna cross formation and a fly cross di room. kanye cheered. u know thats alumanaughty
“@caylissfren a england: My word! Nuhbaddy can’t pregnant again widout everybady ah comment?! Heck! Bout congrats B, like dem know ‘ar. Steeeuuupsss!”Amen! <—you know that baby is public property.
Jessie J is putting on the best concert I’ve seen in years. <–dat bitch surely did. all when she cyaan walk she a gi dem di full body suit wid di belly skin swag. di gyal do TLC, CeeLo, Cyndi Lauper, Katy Perry. me vex when dem g’a commercial
How is britney keeping a straight face right now while gaga a scratch scratch up harself. <–and by gaga i mean her unwashed male alter ego
Why did britney just use her award acceptance speech to introduce beyonce? Like she cuddn jus get her own thank u time? <–fakk app. britney gi har heart soul and battyhole to MTV and dem cuddn even arrange fi miley cyrus come dance like stripper and pay respect? a nuh like she nah do dat anyways a har concert dem. nobody nah go offend. and den before di girl coulda say tanks and rebut di rumours say she mad again, she haffi tun roun introduce beyaki di great? no man mtv. not poor little brit-brit *searches for gif of crazy britney guy*
But gaga is fully in character and nah come out. She a drink whiskey and look like she jus come outta one bar brawl and all dese tings. <-chile. if di hatchin outta egg pon di red carpet ting nuh tek me feel like she can run een pon some acting like pon true blood or grey’s anatomy…..yes undead or dying person…she still a go waan look kinda like herself. u know gaga nuh deal wid tan
Why beyonce a rub belly, she know say not even a bump dede. She a PR di shit outta da baby yah. <–right now the sperm and the egg jus a meet and di bitch start plan tribute concert aready. pause for all who never hear say she a breed. yes, finally. the creole nation shall have an heir apparent. solange son jus get demote
Tyler the creator-‘I didn’t write a thank you speech’ <–we caught that when u went uh, ahm, uh for 2 minutes
Could one of the five caucasians who follow me please tell me who this is? <–one of my roast bread fruits will answer this in a bit
Why @barringtonjr a ask me if beyonce nuh supposed to a shoot movie soon. She is ONE day pregnant, you need not be concerned
You know keri hilson might do a little better if she wasn’t such a shady bitch. <–due to how she nuh even deh a di award show but deh pon me facebook a throw shade she deserve special mention. dis gyal. me nuh know if a feel she feel she pay dues, but all she do a beat up har gum bout who she better dan. we wanna see receipts, followers and adulation dammit. otherwise shut the fuck up and play your damn little concert and enjoy giving everybody kerimel kisses <–oh u was so ingenious wid dat one. and yu know di worst part, me like har song dem
All dem rat vs robot dance off yah. Dat me a defen’ enuh. Da robot deh weh jus do di jerk, me want it fi me birthday. <—yes, a di commercial me a talk. and yes me mean it from me heart.
Say feh britney end up a betty ford tomorrow morning sake a wah dem do to har tribute. <–you know what it is.
A true enuh, everybody tink cloris leachman a betty white. <–and its a damned shame. but loris don’t give a damn she’s here for the gift bags. i love cloris leachman
Did cloris leachman just say she was DTF <–yes she did. and unnu tink jersey shore nein a go nuh weh
Due to how gaga and kanye nuh stop hug up, me’da pay money fi watch dem have sex… wid gaga in character as joe calderone.
And here comes gaga, deep like a cesspool and twice as full.
Why do they keep giving close ups of katy perry? We get it, she’s russell brand’s wife. Jees.
No! @iamquagmire adele doesn’t just have one brown dress and one black dress. She has many dresses in the same colour and basic design. Rude
@iamquagmire no more swimsuits. She a smaddy mumma now. Well until next week when she realise di sport dem waan see legs for days! <–beyonce dat enuh. inna di full frumpy suit a emphasise belly. yaaaaas. gi dem yah.
Tru unnu nuh know di bidding war weh jus unleash inna maternity product land. Johnson’s and gerber jus BB beyonce di contract.
@iamquagmire mine me haffi announce me pregnancy and rub imaginary belly fi silence yu. That’s the 2011 way of dealing with the haters.
There’s no shade like pre-scripted shade. Thank you MTV
Due to how katy perry is a sim dat lives in the land of the cheese stands alone
As katy perry go backstage she haffi summon her masseuse fi rub out di cheddar kink outta har neck.
Aahhhhh @drakkardnoir a me man a me man!! <–don’t tell ryan leslie and frank ocean
dear lil wayne, u sexy likkle zebra print midget, come to me! ahp! ahp! ahp! <–yeh that’s zebra noises trick. what you know about our love?
Did the VMAs secretly just end? <—further investigation revealed this to be true. methinks gaga’s monologue and drunken slurring forced them into over time. so dem never even have time fi roll credits
Dear nicki minaj. It come een like tacky and awful had a menage in your closet and came all over your ass
now for 5 million repeats and endless youchubing and people trying to shut the performances down on the interwebs.