how to know you’re truly bored (2)

and also having a rough time of it

1) you fantasise about having a relationship

not for the sex

not for the cuddling

just so someone’s in the house when you get home, or they can come over shortly thereafter

i am aware that requirement could be fulfilled by a cat, dog or other furry (or un-furry if you please) pet

but the being that is at the house also has to be willing to listen to you bitch for about…57 minutes without complaint..while making affirming/consolatory sounds- yes, mmhmm, oh dear, poor ting, i can’t believe that happened

yes, this could be fulfilled by a roommate

but the difference between a roommate and a partner is the partner is honour bound to listen to this madness

whereas the roommate, according to the bylaws, only has to live through one a week in order to meet the quota


most of us know that relationships are not usually simple, straightforward, or stress free

in fact you may spend more time tending to the thing that enjoying the perks associated with it <–yes, depends on the relationship but me hard fi deh wid

but when you get bored enough or things suck enough, yu willing fi tek it all on fi have smaddy fi come home to



2) you masturbate excessively

now, i know somebody is saying well whats excessive. 5 times a day may seem hectic to you but thats a day when i have a lot of work and not much time to spare. thats a slow day

what is excessive for you is your own business

but i’m going to say if you have masturbated as much in the past three days as you have in the three months preceding them…you may be in excessive territory

also, do you ever find yourself masturbating to pass the time? like…i’m home. i have work but can’t bother to do it. there won’t be a new episode of big bang theory for a few days and i won’t stay up long enough to watch a whole movie. i guess i could have me-time. or…maybe if i have me-time it will put me to sleep faster. oh dear sweet sleep to take me away from the minutiae of my everyday life. yes. let’s masturbate so we can sleep. if we’re not sleepy after the first time we’ll make a half hearted attempt at round two and probably fall asleep in the middle of that <–yes, let me tell you from experience, nothing makes you feel as desirable as falling asleep on yourself.



just no actual desire for an orgasm as much as something to keep your hands occupied and make you sleep. this could easily replaced by arts and craft and a warm cup of milk and honey but in theory this is easier and you don’t have to turn on the stove <–conditions apply, i don’t know how you get down.


3) you start to overestimate people’s crush worthiness

yes. as in someone you know you probably wouldn’t or shouldn’t be attracted to suddenly becomes a shining start of sexiness because in your quest for option 1 (discussed above) you need to level the playing field. Give yourself more choices. So yeah let’s have a crush on the person who sneers and snarls everytime you walk by. That’s probably their special way of showing affection. They’re still in the running for being your live in love

what’s that? a person who says something is red everytime you say its blue? do they just disagree with you on principle? well….haven’t you watched every romantic comedy ever made? opposites attract and fighting is a sign of affection. The best relationships are complicated and what could be more complicated than dating someone who may not even be from the same species as you (no offense to people presently dating their cows, i agree, she’s beautiful. whether or not she would choose to date you is another thing) You are still in the running for being my live in love

i don’t even know where this fits in. but i passed much time searching for it and if i don’t use it then i’ll have to admit that i’m wasting time on purpose. so see it there


the moral of the story is

if people you used to think were unattractive are suddenly looking well cute, and you can’t keep your hands off yourself, and you’re whiling away your days dreaming about that not so special someone or imagining yourself as the lead in any number of romantic comedy cliches…you’re not a sexaholic, neither are you hormonal for any reason, nor is your biological clock trying to tell you something.

you’re just bored


*realises blog post is done*

*boredom creeps up*


*fap fap fap fap fap*


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