on behalf of the ‘abnormal’ people…especially the little fat girl in the back

Dear Jamaican people

the majority of other people that live here, are not blind, and they live with themselves everyday

it is therefore not necessary to point out to them the changes that have occured with their bodies that they may or may not (but most likely since we live in an image driven society they are) be self conscious about

if one more person speculates about whether i have gained or lost weight me a go box dem and retroactively box all a di odda ones before dem. it nuh fair dem one share di burden fi di many

wah difference it mek?

me nuh di same smaddy?

me nuh still pretty or ugly as di case may be?

me nuh still have clothes weh fit me either way?

yu nuh feel say after 29 years me  tiyad fi hear bout it

T.I.R.E.D

 

lekka tell yu summn, me a one a dem smaddy deh weh me nuh have a problem wid how me look and me bigger dan most a unnu

but having been big my whole life i grow tired of going through the same things everytime

every person’s house i go to

every acquaintance i meet on the street, especially if they are older than me

has to either grab my arm and heft and squeeze it and tell me i am getting too big

or…compliment me on cutting down the weight

now that’s 29 years

multiply that by 150 people per year, at least (not including the duplications at group outings)

that 4350 times i have lived through this spiel….yu nuh think me tired?

a nuh seh fat people shame a demself because dem fat enuh, dem just tiyad fi rass hole hear bout it

real talk

mek we say yu did have summn weh you never really have a problem wid but society say is a big deal

say a bump pon yu face, a wart or summn, summn weh yu cuddn disguise, it just dede

yu have it from yu born

and everytime yu go over yu auntie, uncle, cousin or fren yard yu guarantee say smaddy a go mention di bump to you

either fi point out say (inna fi dem mind) di bump a get more unattractive

or fi offer some morsel of unwanted congratulations on finally whipping that mutha under control

now imagine yu go weh fi a while, people nuh see yu so dem nuh up to date pon di bump

yu come back now and yu nuh know inna which direction di bump change, but yu know say it mus a change some way

amd yu a think fi go a people yard

inna di time weh yu de away yu mek new friend, accomplish tings, a mek real strides inna yu life

yu woulda like talk bout dem

but first yu know yu haffi talk bout dis friggin bump which is neither here nor rass there fi you

and by dis time yu sick fi talk bout dis bump

this is how people who are either larger or skinnier than normal feel when considering any outing where the whole bag and pan a ‘normal’ size people a go deh

dem a go pinch yu, draw yu collar bone, juck yu inna yu belly, slap yu pon yu arm or yu thigh, try spawns yu hand

literally treat yu like slave pon auction block

and usually in front of a crowd

or at least one other person

now

when yu see a likkle fat girl get decidely more introverted and decide she nuh waan go no weh and just a stay inna har room

yu decide say either she fat and unhealthy and nuh fit enough fi tek di run up and down

or she uncomfortable wid her body and a hide so unnu start prescribe all kinda diet fi her fi build her confidence

when the problem is not her

is all the fucking people weh a go pinch and poke her like produce on any given day

if yu really did care bout her as a modda yu woulda spend less time a buy her herbal life and more time a tell people fi leff yu pickney and dat she is beautiful

me nah seh yu nuh fi care bout har health, we all mus tek care a we health and stay active

but some people just bigger dan oddas and so dem dem born and a so dem a go dead…possibly after you mister and miss normal

a jus so it go

so a nuh seh she nuh waan go out, she jus sick fi stand up deh and smile and gwaan like she nuh either hurt or annoyed or bored with the fact say yu cyaan notice say her hairstyle change or she jus win spelling bee

all yu can notice a har size

unnu stop it man

stop it

me a 29, and my modda mek sure buil me strong for me big from me born

but some people nuh stay so

and even fi me weh strong, sometimes me cyaan bodda. yu have some people house me nuh bodda go caw me just cyannat boodda fi lissen to di same sittn agen

a nuh sensitive me sensitive

but if everytime me come a yu house yu serve kidney and talk bout politics and me neither like politics nor kidney me woulda stop come too

caw it just nuh pleasant to me

and all who feel say a tough love dem a gi di likke unusual size pickney dem, ask di pickney dem if dem feel di love inna it

some people have pigeon foot, some fat, some mawga, some a lose dem hair some lose teeth and some teeth get packy packy

all a dem summn yah people cyaan hide

and every magazine a tell dem say summn wrong wid dem

dem know

dem nuh need you fi remind dem

if it nuh relevant fi wah we a discuss

if me nah audition fi miss jamaica

den we nuh need fi talk bout it

and no me nuh need no tips fi lose weight, not every fat person is on a constant search for a diet that works.

steups

vex me friggin heart

say wah yu haffi say and keep di rest to yuself

yu nuh know how much unnu grieve me