canadia weather made easy 1

if you are a resident of Jamaica or anywhere tropical or anywhere in the world with a sensible weather system you may have some difficulty understanding what canadian weather persons truly mean

so i’m gonna break it down for you

our first installment will cover the use of the term ‘mostly cloudy’

when you see this online:

This is what you see outside:

i took this picture at 8am. and while i know you’re thinking its London where you can taste the air and you’re looking out for chimney sweeps to appear and start singing mary poppins style i assure you its ontario, canada

 where i come from if di place look so is one outta three tings

1) it is 5:15 am and according to roy forrester sun jus a rise <–big ups to all a di new weather people but roy a my weather man fi life.

2) it is 6:15 pm and according to the little sign at hope gardens it is sunset, and the street lights are about to come on, and all good children know dem mus come inside because after 6 duppy will box yu outta di tree <– a country me grow, me stop climb tree six o’ clock every night and duppy never box me yet. me bredda nuh folla instruction and drop flat a groun. judge joe brown cuddn deny dem evidence deh

3) di world a end. weh me come from if me see dem kinda summn yah a happen inna miggle day me assume dat King Jesus is coming for his world, say some retroactive prayers and go recite twenty third psalm and wait fi either fire and brimstone or one rass wave. Either way me nah pack water or quarters cus di gideon nuh have vending machine. me nuh live inna dem yah kinda conditions yah pon a daily basis. a whole day a dusk? whaddat? after me nuh name edward cullen? after me nuh have giant wolf a look me people dem? due to how all vampire goodly live inna da place yah

steups

anyways

installation 1

til nex time walk good

if yu deh a farrin memba seh a nuh di snow frig yu up

a di ice weh a hide unda it.

*leaves to take 3000 units of vitamin d because people with my ‘skin tone’ can’t synthesise it under these conditions’

negros unite!….in the vitamin aisle

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