VLOG yendi’s pregnancy, caribbean man and ooman ting and caribbean family

so, in case you missed it

Yendi Phillips dropped the news of her pregnancy mere moments ago.

and the interwebs shut down

and it got me thinking about a few things

BUT BEFORE THAT. LET ME SAY THIS

too many children come into this world to meet negative energy surrounding their existence. rarely are we shown examples of babies/pregnancies being celebrated. and even then…..its usually in people who had difficulty conceiving. i will not contribute to anyone starting their life in that type of atmosphere. i will not speak ill of a pregnancy. congrats yendi, and all di best.

anywho…it got me thinkin about

1)how we talk about celebrities

2)how we encourage caribbean men to underachieve through our own foolishness

3)how we mek it seem like caribbean family forms are somehow fundamentally wrong

and me nah seh growin up widout two parents is easy, or dat raisin a child alone is easy

but when we a go look pon we own ting and seh…yeh, is a way dis fi raise pickney…and it work?

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9 Replies to “VLOG yendi’s pregnancy, caribbean man and ooman ting and caribbean family”

  1. I don’t completely agree with everything you say … the nuclear family as we know it today is not a fundamentally “European” institution. Long before Europeans invaded Africa the standard family structure among African tribes were husband, wife (or wives) and children. It remains this way to this day. The vast majority of Africans have a great respect for the institution of marriage. Indeed, many are expected to be married with children by a certain age and if they’re not they feel a tremendous pressure from their parents to get it done. Many Africans are normally surprised by the number of common law marriages that pervade the Caribbean as they’re more used to traditional family units in which there’s mom, dad and the children.

    In the grand scheme of things, however, I get the overall gist of what you’re saying. It does take two to impregnate a woman and men should be held accountable for the indiscriminate distribution of their sperm. I’m always amazed at those men who believe that, as long as it comes to sex, what comes out of their own bodies is solely the responsibility of the woman! Tsk!

    That being said until Caribbean women start to respect themselves enough to demand better treatment and behaviour from Caribbean men this situation will never be rectified. Back in the 70s American and European women called their men to task with the Feminist movement and in so doing won a great deal of rights and privileges for themselves. I’m not saying Caribbean women pick up the feminist mantra, but raising their standard for the men they associate with sexually would be a good start. Some women are too desperate and willing to put up with all kind of shit just to say they have a man. Please. I’d rather live alone than put myself with a man that have pickney afta pickney with Mary, Jane, Addasa and Sue. At the end of the day no man can get you pregnant if you don’t allow it. We can argue all we want about the man being more responsible (and I’m not saying they shouldn’t be because they most definitely should!), but in the Caribbean it’s the woman who is almost always stuck with the burden and struggle of raising a child alone. So why would anyone want to voluntarily put themselves at such a disadvantage?

    Now specifically talking about the woman in questione …. Living in the bushes of Northern Europe, I’ve never heard of this Yendi person until recently and I really couldn’t careless about what she does with her life. Having said that I suspect the reason many are disappointed is because this very CHANGE of the Caribbean man as you discussed will not come about until WE women demand it. When we set better standards for the type of men we put ourselves with and demand MORE and BETTER treatment of ourselves by these men then and only then will we see a change in men. Men are like children … if they believe they can get away with X they don’t bother to make an effort at Y. You have to spoon feed and “train” them about how you want to be treated. But when we settle for less and do everything (including giving up control of our own reproduction to men) on THEIR terms that’s when we’re left and abused … our fate to become just another of his baby mothers prematurely written. Being the woman of privilege this woman is, I’m sure she’ll do fine taking care of her child, but I think what people are disappointed about is not so much the pregnancy (people get that will happen, it’s life), but the fact that in her they were hoping to see a change … a break away from the norm of single parenthood because let’s face it: the nuclear family might be norm elsewhere in the world (in fact the vast majority of places), but in the Caribbean and especially Jamaica it’s a freakin’ novelty.

    P.S. I know she’s still together with the baby father and I hope they remain that way for the sake of the child. Looking at the track record for Jamaican relationships though the odds of her ending up as a single parent is more likely than it’s not.

    1. I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE what you wrote in the first paragraph. I just said the SAME thing last night after watching the Marley movie and listening to a couple of Marley’s comments about the union with his wife (–that aside the movie was beautiful, a lovely ode to one of Jamaica’s greatest). But this union between a man/woman is something that I witnessed in Ghana a few years ago…and as I sat down on a bus one day and listened to a man and his daughter I had a eureka moment: “marriage/union is an African concept!” A concept that was completely degraded and distorted through slavery (physical and mental).

      The way we look at it today, however, is through the lens of European ideals and then everything Carla says kicks in. I would even say that our traditional system is not only being influenced in the Caribbean, but in Africa as well because of the prominence of Western influence. We are replacing responsibility with “freedom”.

      An additional point that I wanted to add was although our system “works”, and is truly not fundamentally “wrong” and we arite…Jah know…it nuh easy. Our mothers struggle. Our aunties struggle. Our grandmothers struggle. And sometimes our fathers struggle (recognizing the wutless ooman dem as well – equal opportunity). Yet, it really shouldn’t be like that…If we are raised by a village, then our village really has to diversify a bit. Because for most of us grew up in a village with mostly women (although personally my woman village was GREATNESS – but not everyone have the same experience). The presence of males in our villages are quite low. So moving forward, we must work on this point “2)how we encourage caribbean men to underachieve through our own foolishness”. That way we get a little mix of everyone…and yes, how can I forget the elders….we need to encourage that more to…we need more elders in the village.

      All that aside. I love this video and the way you put your thoughts together Carla!! It’s a gift. Keep blessing us wid your talent!

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