on monogamy, polygamy and the threat of the new anti-oppressive norm

 

http://fabianromero.tumblr.com/post/43364003643/thinking-aloud-why-i-stopped-calling-myself-poly

i was just talking to somebody about this yesterday
about the way we think about monogamy, and the fact that we only think of it as oppressive because of how it came to be a part of how we think about relationships, and because of how it has functioned for most/many people.
monogamy does not come easily for many people.
but polygamy does not come easily for some people
and we exclude monogamy from the the discussion in totality, at the risk of creating polygamy as some new kind of ‘norm’ and not allowing for people who don’t feel the same way about it.
and we all live the trouble with ‘norms’
and i don’t think it matters how a person gets to being monogamous.
if we can do away with fixed points (as most ‘radical’ thinkers have) then we will have to accept that polygamy and monogamy exist along a continuum we must respect people who inhabit all points along that continuum.
if a person has experiences that make polygamy feel unsafe or untrue to them, we must respect that too, without making them feel as if making that choice proves that they are damaged goods or that they haven’t dealt with the trauma of those experiences. and like if they just sorted through that trauma they could be poly…which is the supposed right way to be.
people choose the lives they choose, the ones that make them happy, based on their experiences. and experiences that happen in the sexual/emotional realm are a part of that. it does not make them a victim if those experiences shape their lives and their future relationships. it is still about their comfort.
so yes polygamy
and yes monogamy
when people who do the critical work to understand the roots of oppressive structures begin to hold up the alternative as doctrine they run the risk of recreating the same kind of babylonian regimes that they hope to take down.

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3 Replies to “on monogamy, polygamy and the threat of the new anti-oppressive norm”

  1. As a monogamist woman, I do concur! Nothing oppressive about it, unless you decide to turn it into a weapon. In fact, polygamy can also be oppressive if forced on people. We do the best we can, darling…

  2. Lol… The things I encounter on a daily basis! On a reals though, more often than ever I have noticed a lot of people becomming more open to the idea of polygomous/ open relationships. Of course at first it is a shock if your the kind of person who’ve grown up in a structured and working family. For me though I am just a realist; nothing more, nothing less. People will do as they please. No-one can stop them even if “society itself wasn’t an oppresive structure.” Even King Solomon believed in the notion of having many wives. He was believed to be one of the wisest man of all times. Now what does that say? Frankly, sicne the change of the era BC to AC society’s values have hardly shifted. I guess that says alot about “society” as we know it.

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