#GrowUp On Forgiveness and why feeling good and right again is great…but not enough

if you have been hurt, and you have undertaken the work of healing, there will come a time in your process when you begin to feel strong again. after you’ve sorted through who did what to whom, accepted responsibility for your part, made some kind of peace with what went down if not how it went down, you will begin to feel like yourself again. you may begin to feel…winning. this is especially in situations where on the face you look like the ‘loser’. you may realise that though everybody contributed to a situation, under no conditions would you act in whatever way the other person acted and you may start to feel…right, and righteous. and you may even feel unafraid of running into them because finally, FINALLY, you have yourself in hand and can handle whatever that moment brings. while its good to enjoy that moment and the feeling of filling out your own skin, its important to remember….you’re not there yet. yes, you are much further along in your healing process than you were before, but the point is not just to heal, it is to ascend. the point is not just to balm up the wounds, but to become the type of person who would not attract, create, or remain in the kinds of situations that would inflict such wounds in the future. and that requires not just strength, which thankfully returns, but forgiveness.

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it requires that you mark this moment when you’re feel strong and at peace and righteous…as just a moment, and be willing to let it go in pursuit of something much more complex but also much simpler and much more important…moving past wrong and right…or even righteous…to forgiveness. to put the person and the situation down completely. to move to the space where you don’t care whether they appear or not, because it is no longer an issue, no longer a thing you have to handle. so….if you’ve done some of the work, and you’re feeling fired up….use some of that steam to push you, because there’s still a little ways to go. your end goal is a return to something that bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. a return to love. not of the person. but of the self. a whole and forgiven self, which requires complete forgiveness of the other. #keeptrodding

NEWVLOG Valemtime’s Special- wah valentine’s shoulda REALLY name

well it was my intention to load this on Matey Valentine’s

(aka di first satdeh after…if you were celebrating belated valentine’s for no ‘good’ reason….you might be the matey)

but FLOW said NO

so it went up likkel after

we can talk bout weh Valemtime’s day wudda name if we did  honest bout wah gwaan panni day?

happy drinking wine straight from the bottle and watching Sex and the City Day

Happy me buy yu present a Fontana day

 

On Companies Snooping In the Social Media of Job Applicants

As person after person on my twitter timeline – including those who are twilebrities – makes their timeline private, i am prompted to think about the new business practice of using facebook and twitter as background checks before hiring a job applicant.
It goes like this:
You apply.
The company you applied to either legitimately or through some back door method accesses your pages and checks to make sure you’re not a murderer (I would be snide but people actually do post about that stuff), not an alcoholic (I’d say most of our Friday and Saturday night tweets would put us out of the running AND alcoholics need jobs too, especially if financial instability is fueling the alcoholism) and to make sure you’ve never said anything disparaging about the company (this is where my issue arises).
I find it interesting that companies would disqualify job applicants based on past  negative tweets about the company. Are you hiring based on qualifications or pre -existing brand loyalty? And is the person not entitled to have a difficulty with one of your services if the service is not working for them?
For example Jamaica’s two telecommunications providers (look at me not calling names because I may require a work from them…and either way I’m not pointing fingers, just using them as  relatable examples) employ MANY people (big ups to di call centre work weh a save *nuff* a we). They are also not perfect providers: service goes down, customer service agents are sometimes rude (and human),  RIM certainly gave them a bad name, and yes calling rates can seem exorbitant, offers that save money often disappear after three months and issues arise that have *nothing* to do with the provider but in anger customers will blame them. They are businesses, they care about customers but money is the bottom line, and customers who feel they get the dirty end of the deal will speak out on that feeling.
But here’s the thing, if you are a business and you are *actually* committed to improving the quality of service you offer, twitter provides free crowd sourcing of consultants for every part of your business.
They tell you at what point in the day you need to bring on more customer care agents, when you need to introduce a deal to please your customers, when you need to re-brand, which offer is no longer relevant, and even if the free gifts you’re offering fall apart after first use. That is free information people are willingly giving to you, never mind the tone.
Now, the person you are interviewing, up until this moment, was a part of that crowd. How then can you punish them for doing something that is 1) common place and 2) actually beneficial to your company (if your company uses it wisely) because now they want to offer a different kind of service to you? I understand, you don’t want anybody working with you who might undermine your organization, and yes, as an employer you have the right to know who you are hiring. But on the practice of twitter/facebook snooping and persecution (more specifically for ‘negative’ tweets about the company) I have an issue. Most of the people conducting the interviews had no loyalty to the company before they were on payroll. Why should social media be exploited to deny other people the same right to change? Furthermore this has the potential to undermine the company by only populating it with yes-men.  A company cannot grow without critique and organizations are doing themselves an injustice by scouring twitter timelines as a part of the application process with the intention of eliminating people who have not always found them to be perfect.
Let’s be honest. businesses make mistakes. Consumers complain yet retain the services. People should be free to speak about their experiences with a company in one way without feeling it will bar them from another kind of relationship with the company. Otherwise what are we doing? Seeking fans instead of hard workers. And while Britney Spears is a business i’m sure she doesn’t interview for accountants in the VIP of her concerts.
 

On Nelson Mandela’s Teachings and the Power of One: RIP Madiba

 

Imandela no passionf there is one thing we should have learned from Nelson Mandela, its the power of one.
If one man, one ordinary man…because he was just an ordinary man until he started doing extraordinary things….if one ordinary man could have done all the he did, what could ordinary you do?
There is no difference between you or I and Mandela, not when he started.
The difference is in the end, and that difference is hard work and commitment and courage. It is seeking and activating wisdom in his life. It is remaining indefatigable in the face of trial after trial. It is faith and a belief in self and a belief in humanity. He remained a person that believes in people. As many of us give up on humanity – and make no mistake giving up on person after person in your own life will eventually lead you to give up on humanity – we disrespect his legacy. If we are to call him Madiba, in affection and respect, we must honour his teachings. We must stop smalling up ourselves, we must stop accepting that we are mediocre, we must not only laud Madiba, but recognise we are Madiba. I think that is the point of his words and his life, we are the ones who must combine mind and heart. We are the ones who must make the difference. He is one of the few, but only because we ignored his call, we did not do what was necessary to join him. Rest In Power Madiba

mandela poverty

 

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GEOTAGGING: Parents, Maties and Joe-Grine beware

Now, before anybody come tell me say me boring because everybody know say Geotagging yu pictures pon yu smart phone a go tell di whole world which part yu tek dem, unnu dis hear me out.

Yu know di media love frighten people sometimes but a real ting dis. If yu nuh tun off di GPS pon yu picture dem one technology deh bout weh will mek dem find down to yu bedroom. Why? den a nuh deso yu a tek tek up di heap a picture dem mah?

A one ting fi twitter know say me near gimme me bit when me a post, is a next ting fi a man know me street address wid one right click.

Obviously we need fi wary, and wus di parents dem who fa pickney have smart phone and a mobile upload dem first day a school.

But di silent P in Psychology in dis situation is really di matie and joe grine dem. Especially di matie dem weh love live pon di edge and tek picture inna people bathroom caw dem a man-tek-skydive. Wait til wifey track yu dung, you and di man and di hot oil.

Nuh say me never warn yu!

 

PS when me a post dis me see wordpress a ask me fi turn on location tagging…me granny!

Is A Yaad Ting Emanci-Pendence 2013 Edition – Yu know bout Ms. Farm Queen?

 

Me mek sure wait til di festivities done before me post da one yah because me waan mek sure me can covah ebryting.

Points of information

1) Ken Boothe red velvet suit weh look like him brush it a day time like hair

2) Di police dem weh appear wid ticket book like abracadabra every time holiday weekend draw near.

3) Di importance of a woman who can smile pretty, be smart, and know how fi read almanac….behold Jamaica Farm Queen

 

TunUp Tuesdays: How granny cup a water pon di night stand did set har body right

Fi all a di people weh have giraffe ambitions and grung dove money, TunUp Tuesdays is for you.

This is the budget fitness segment wid a likkle Jamaican flair.

So if yu nuh have di gym budget but yu waan di long livity, pree we and share weh yu know.

Carla Grows Up (CGU): Criticism widout suggestion a just beatin up yu gum.

It’s easy to criticise. Not just that it comes easily to us but in reality, when you didn’t do something yourself, it’s easier for you to see places where things could have been done differently than it is for the person who did it. Quite possibly the person who did it tapped out their creativity or budget or time on the existing ‘finished’ product. Also they probably had challenges that you don’t know about. Either way it’s easy to spot where things are not to our liking or where things could be improved. So criticism is easy, and can be useful. But how often is it constructive, productive, or even necessary?

Very often our criticism stops at ‘i don’t like’ or ‘den jeesam she cuddn just’ or ‘me God, den dem never have somebody weh cudda tell dem nuffi’…and etc etc etc. We come to an event that somebody has planned and murmur about having to stand up. We come to somebody’s house and cuss bout how dust deh everywhere, we eat something somebody has cooked and grouse bout how it ital or salt, we see somebody’s outfit and marvel at how dem feel dem coulda wear summn like dat wid a body like dat! But what would you have done differently? If you had to deal with all they were dealing with,what could you have done differently? Moreover was it necessary to do anything differently…does it really need to be ‘improved’ or just tailored to you? And are there any useful suggestions you can make for improvement?

For criticism to serve any purpose other than making us feel slightly better about ourselves, or to fill the gaping silence that looms between us and whatever person we’re talking to, it must have some use. But better than that, it must be necessary. Very often we don’t do the work to separate out our own personal….very personal preferences, or our desire to do things the same way every time….from what really needs improvement in a situation. For example, if we’re at an event and chairs seem short, perhaps the planner did that because they didn’t want people sitting, let’s go play the party games or *eek* meet new people! Perhaps the person is cooking with less salt because they’re hypertensive or trying to live healthier, maybe we should try the likkle ital food and flash imaginary locs. Perhaps they’re wearing that outfit because they bought it and they like it, it may not be to our liking, but neither is it on your or my body nor will we have to deal with any backlash that may come. And our criticism, though we may call it that rather than ‘finding fault’ to make ourselves feel better, is actually the very same thing, finding fault and offering no solutions.

Bitter words can be tasty. Talking trash about people and things is the fastest way to make ourselves popular at parties and in life. Everybody loves a little shade throwing. But, eventually, we’ll all have to stop and look at what we’re contributing to the energy in our lives and the lives of others. Eventually we’ll have to see about ourselves instead of looking at others. What can we do to make a situation different, other than talk about it, which is easiest but most useless? What can we do to make sure that something is better the next time around or better after we’ve left…in a real way?

Action.

Criticism must be accompanied by action and good intent if it is to be anything but bitterness. And to get to a point of action and good intent takes energy from us. Physical energy to make changes to situations, mental energy to find solutions to the ‘problems’ we see and to figure out why we’re criticising. Why does that bitterness taste so good? And can we learn to live and be engaging without it?

It’s as simple as this:

You see that someone needs a better version of something and you know who has one, suggest the name, put the two people in contact with each other.

You come to somebody’s house and you see that they’re run ragged trying to work and do school and maybe take care of some person or animal or whatever at the same time. Wash the glass you just drank out of and if you’re close enough to them….wash the rest of the dishes in the sink. THEN resist the urge to walk and tell people that you did it and to judge the person for not being able to balance it all by themselves.

You see that somebody’s pants split open or their strap burst, instead of snickering and wondering how long the clothes inna closet and how many moths are homeless because them tek it out, offer the pin you have in your pocket or in your car, go get it and pin them up.

You have energy? Share it. In a way that involves more than beating up your gums.

I’m guilty, I can bitter a person with the best of them, but I try not to talk about the things that are personal and the things I know the person may really be struggling with. Either way, bitterness can be fun but it can’t exist on it’s own. There’s work that has to be done as well.

So from now on I am challenging myself. I will throw a little shade…me nah tell yu say me nah go shade people, but I shade responsibly.

But I am challenging myself to be more active. To actively share my energy with people in a way that improves their lives. To challenge myself to expend the mental energy necessary to think up solutions before I speak. To speak carefully and with caring when I do. To care in the first place. I am challenging myself to realise that I wasn’t promised a life full of rest and I should not resent giving a little of my energy or time to working with/or for another even after working a full week. If my friend is cleaning house, gimme a broom. Mek we buss few joke while we a dweet and a a tin a bulli beef when it done. Di work get done twice as fast and we can go par. If di food ital, me try di ital life, or ask di smaddy why, suppose summn a gwaan inna dem life weh me nein know? If seat nuh deh bout…me stan up and mingle…and chat bout summn odda dan wah ‘wrong’ wid di party.

Di whole a we a live, but we need likkle more purpose. Likkle more usefulness. And yu wudda shock how di sweetness a dem summn deh can replace plenty a di bitterness weh we swallow a day time and smile. And most importantly, dem action deh move tings forward, move we forward, move people forward ad up.

Criticism with suggestions become just that, suggestions. And suggestions help.

On the flip side we all need too learn how to receive suggestions without tekkin offence. To say we are not perfect is an over simplification but is anodda blog post dat.

Happy Monday Fambili. Peace and Happiness be wid yu fi da week yah.