#DearCaribbean: On Loving Yaad, Leaving Yaad, and Why Some a We Waan Run Come Back

This Vlog is my likkle contribution to the Check out the Red For Gender Caribbean Blog Carnival.
Get real time updates on the entries yaso:
http://redforgender.wordpress.com/e-mas-caribbean-blog-carnival/

or pree di hashtag #DearCaribbean on twitter
a dem say e-mas enuh, so join di online jump up and di virtual wuk up
even if yu nuh com from deh, from yu love di Caribbean seh rehhhhhh!!!

on using got ’til it’s gone carefully

while the sentiment ‘you don’t know what you got til its gone’ is true and helpful for people who are trying to heal, it should be used with care. sometimes we fixate on the idea that people don’t know what they got til its gone and fail to recognize that 1) some people never make the kind of connection with themselves necessary to have that realization and 2) regardless of how valuable you are some people will not recognize it despite their loss, also 3) no matter who you are there will be some people who find you to be a bad experience. this last one is hard to accept but in much the same way that the person you’re having a bad experience with may not seem bad to others or may be different in the future, some person may be having that same experience with you. it can be hard to swallow, especially when you’ve given your best and especially if someone hurt you. you’re sure they’re a bad person. and some people are. some, however, are just bad to you or for you. allowing for the fact that they may not be completely bad people doesn’t negate the pain they cause. and regardless of how pain is caused people will always have to pay for the harm they cause, especially if it is deliberate, especially if they harm a person who has tried to do the best by them. the universe does not allow that kind of imbalance to persist. but fair is fair (even if you’re too hurt to be fair right now) you could also be that person to them. so use it, use the sentiment to get you over the rough patch, but don’t hold on to it. do not hinge your healing on some mythical day when somebody will recognize the error of their ways, it may not come. recognize instead that with or without that realization, you are valuable. defy the odds: wish them well. if they hurt you to the point that they lost you, there’s probably some pain the haven’t dealt with that they need help with anyways- whether they know it or not. hold your own value in your hands, heal, and elevate, not because they recognize they lost you, but because you recognize what you have in yourself.

got ’til it’s gone

On Companies Snooping In the Social Media of Job Applicants

As person after person on my twitter timeline – including those who are twilebrities – makes their timeline private, i am prompted to think about the new business practice of using facebook and twitter as background checks before hiring a job applicant.
It goes like this:
You apply.
The company you applied to either legitimately or through some back door method accesses your pages and checks to make sure you’re not a murderer (I would be snide but people actually do post about that stuff), not an alcoholic (I’d say most of our Friday and Saturday night tweets would put us out of the running AND alcoholics need jobs too, especially if financial instability is fueling the alcoholism) and to make sure you’ve never said anything disparaging about the company (this is where my issue arises).
I find it interesting that companies would disqualify job applicants based on past  negative tweets about the company. Are you hiring based on qualifications or pre -existing brand loyalty? And is the person not entitled to have a difficulty with one of your services if the service is not working for them?
For example Jamaica’s two telecommunications providers (look at me not calling names because I may require a work from them…and either way I’m not pointing fingers, just using them as  relatable examples) employ MANY people (big ups to di call centre work weh a save *nuff* a we). They are also not perfect providers: service goes down, customer service agents are sometimes rude (and human),  RIM certainly gave them a bad name, and yes calling rates can seem exorbitant, offers that save money often disappear after three months and issues arise that have *nothing* to do with the provider but in anger customers will blame them. They are businesses, they care about customers but money is the bottom line, and customers who feel they get the dirty end of the deal will speak out on that feeling.
But here’s the thing, if you are a business and you are *actually* committed to improving the quality of service you offer, twitter provides free crowd sourcing of consultants for every part of your business.
They tell you at what point in the day you need to bring on more customer care agents, when you need to introduce a deal to please your customers, when you need to re-brand, which offer is no longer relevant, and even if the free gifts you’re offering fall apart after first use. That is free information people are willingly giving to you, never mind the tone.
Now, the person you are interviewing, up until this moment, was a part of that crowd. How then can you punish them for doing something that is 1) common place and 2) actually beneficial to your company (if your company uses it wisely) because now they want to offer a different kind of service to you? I understand, you don’t want anybody working with you who might undermine your organization, and yes, as an employer you have the right to know who you are hiring. But on the practice of twitter/facebook snooping and persecution (more specifically for ‘negative’ tweets about the company) I have an issue. Most of the people conducting the interviews had no loyalty to the company before they were on payroll. Why should social media be exploited to deny other people the same right to change? Furthermore this has the potential to undermine the company by only populating it with yes-men.  A company cannot grow without critique and organizations are doing themselves an injustice by scouring twitter timelines as a part of the application process with the intention of eliminating people who have not always found them to be perfect.
Let’s be honest. businesses make mistakes. Consumers complain yet retain the services. People should be free to speak about their experiences with a company in one way without feeling it will bar them from another kind of relationship with the company. Otherwise what are we doing? Seeking fans instead of hard workers. And while Britney Spears is a business i’m sure she doesn’t interview for accountants in the VIP of her concerts.
 

on re-claiming happiness and breaking down a break-up past the sum of its parts

often, when relationships end, we’re too destroyed by the pain and disappointment to recall (or even want to recall) the happiness we experienced while we were in them. this is natural, and i would argue integral to healing. but do not make the mistake of packing your happiness away with the other detritus of love lost. though it was shared with somebody else, that happiness is still yours. and while having a relationship ‘fail’ can *feel* tragic (and i say feel because sometimes its actually better that they end, but the *pain* of their ending is real) it would be even more tragic to forfeit your own past happiness as a part of getting over it. hold on to your happiness, remember that though you were a part of a unit in that relationship, you also were an individual within that unit. you gave happiness, you received happiness, you shared happiness. tell your stories, write the poems about your happiness, tell your friends about the time that the person did this, or the one evening when they did that. remember how that felt. because it is those memories, the memories of those feelings, that will call your next lover into being. if we all walk around with emotional baggage anyways, carrying bits of past lovers into our present day, why would we not choose to carry some of the good parts? if we keep calling the same kind of person to us because we have not healed, why would we not call the parts of love that we enjoyed to us by making them a part of our healing? if it is over, then it is over. and no amount of reminiscing will take you back there. or, conversely, perhaps it’s not over and you will go back there, but not now. the point is, if you have an agreement with yourself, if you have come to an understanding with yourself that something is not for you because the *sum total* of it does not work for you, then it is safe for you to take out the parts that did work for you and use them to remind yourself and the universe of the kind of happiness you desire and are capable of. not the kind of happiness *that* person is capable of bringing to you, the kind of happiness *a* person is capable of bringing to you. the kind of happiness *you* are capable of experiencing and the kinds of situations *you* want to create in *your* relationships. your relationships, are yours. the pain, is yours. so is the happiness. do not hold on to one but not the other, and do not pack them up together and cast them away. fiercely cling to your happiness, it is not the work of  one person, but the universe’s gift to you *through* that person. re-gift it to yourself daily. leave the person, keep your happiness. it is yours.

Spice – Royals Remix (and yes, har man still want har)

me nuh see di gyal weh fi beat me yeeeettt.
bet yu lorde never tink a deso har song a go end up
lekka tell yu summn
say what yu want bout spice but she nah mek a month pass and she nuh put SUMMN pon wax
and please note she have superior breath control caw she a drop we pon di busta rhymes kinda speed
gwaan yah Spice
and mek dem know every single song, yu man waan yu!