#GrowUp On Forgiveness and why feeling good and right again is great…but not enough

if you have been hurt, and you have undertaken the work of healing, there will come a time in your process when you begin to feel strong again. after you’ve sorted through who did what to whom, accepted responsibility for your part, made some kind of peace with what went down if not how it went down, you will begin to feel like yourself again. you may begin to feel…winning. this is especially in situations where on the face you look like the ‘loser’. you may realise that though everybody contributed to a situation, under no conditions would you act in whatever way the other person acted and you may start to feel…right, and righteous. and you may even feel unafraid of running into them because finally, FINALLY, you have yourself in hand and can handle whatever that moment brings. while its good to enjoy that moment and the feeling of filling out your own skin, its important to remember….you’re not there yet. yes, you are much further along in your healing process than you were before, but the point is not just to heal, it is to ascend. the point is not just to balm up the wounds, but to become the type of person who would not attract, create, or remain in the kinds of situations that would inflict such wounds in the future. and that requires not just strength, which thankfully returns, but forgiveness.

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it requires that you mark this moment when you’re feel strong and at peace and righteous…as just a moment, and be willing to let it go in pursuit of something much more complex but also much simpler and much more important…moving past wrong and right…or even righteous…to forgiveness. to put the person and the situation down completely. to move to the space where you don’t care whether they appear or not, because it is no longer an issue, no longer a thing you have to handle. so….if you’ve done some of the work, and you’re feeling fired up….use some of that steam to push you, because there’s still a little ways to go. your end goal is a return to something that bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. a return to love. not of the person. but of the self. a whole and forgiven self, which requires complete forgiveness of the other. #keeptrodding

NEW VLOG How To Spot a Soca Junkie fi all me Carnival Babies

an all who toting cus dem cyaan reach a Port of Spain
tek dis and sekkle yuself
all who have di body glitter at the ready
a your time a year
and if yu inna New York or Canada watch it live pon CEEN TV

For LIVE Trinidad and Tobago Carnival coverage remember to get CEEN TV
Rogers Digital TV Channel 684 – $7.00 monthly(Canada)
Bell Fibe TV Channel 661 – $7.00 monthly (Canada)
Optimum Channel 1103 – $4.95 monthly (New-York tri-state area)

Junior Parade of the Bands on Saturday, March 1 at 6am
Carnival Monday on March 3 from 10am
Carnival Tuesday on March 4 from 6am.

check them out online
twitter: @ceen_tv
facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CEENTV
show me all yu rag
show me all yu flag
and mek sure yu truck deh pon di road

NEWVLOG Valemtime’s Special- wah valentine’s shoulda REALLY name

well it was my intention to load this on Matey Valentine’s

(aka di first satdeh after…if you were celebrating belated valentine’s for no ‘good’ reason….you might be the matey)

but FLOW said NO

so it went up likkel after

we can talk bout weh Valemtime’s day wudda name if we did  honest bout wah gwaan panni day?

happy drinking wine straight from the bottle and watching Sex and the City Day

Happy me buy yu present a Fontana day

 

#DearCaribbean: On Loving Yaad, Leaving Yaad, and Why Some a We Waan Run Come Back

This Vlog is my likkle contribution to the Check out the Red For Gender Caribbean Blog Carnival.
Get real time updates on the entries yaso:

http://redforgender.wordpress.com/e-mas-caribbean-blog-carnival/

or pree di hashtag #DearCaribbean on twitter
a dem say e-mas enuh, so join di online jump up and di virtual wuk up
even if yu nuh com from deh, from yu love di Caribbean seh rehhhhhh!!!

on using got ’til it’s gone carefully

while the sentiment ‘you don’t know what you got til its gone’ is true and helpful for people who are trying to heal, it should be used with care. sometimes we fixate on the idea that people don’t know what they got til its gone and fail to recognize that 1) some people never make the kind of connection with themselves necessary to have that realization and 2) regardless of how valuable you are some people will not recognize it despite their loss, also 3) no matter who you are there will be some people who find you to be a bad experience. this last one is hard to accept but in much the same way that the person you’re having a bad experience with may not seem bad to others or may be different in the future, some person may be having that same experience with you. it can be hard to swallow, especially when you’ve given your best and especially if someone hurt you. you’re sure they’re a bad person. and some people are. some, however, are just bad to you or for you. allowing for the fact that they may not be completely bad people doesn’t negate the pain they cause. and regardless of how pain is caused people will always have to pay for the harm they cause, especially if it is deliberate, especially if they harm a person who has tried to do the best by them. the universe does not allow that kind of imbalance to persist. but fair is fair (even if you’re too hurt to be fair right now) you could also be that person to them. so use it, use the sentiment to get you over the rough patch, but don’t hold on to it. do not hinge your healing on some mythical day when somebody will recognize the error of their ways, it may not come. recognize instead that with or without that realization, you are valuable. defy the odds: wish them well. if they hurt you to the point that they lost you, there’s probably some pain the haven’t dealt with that they need help with anyways- whether they know it or not. hold your own value in your hands, heal, and elevate, not because they recognize they lost you, but because you recognize what you have in yourself.

got ’til it’s gone