things i enjoy about being jamaican (church fan)

yu ever notice how di space down a di end a di pew always oversubscribed

people nuh waan siddung inna di miggle

i used to think it was because nobody wanted to inch past people and have to decide whether to wave the crotch or the batty as they go by

or worse

be on the other end of that decision making process…which is essentially a lose-lose in my estimation

but recently i’ve realised it has nothing to do with genital placement and everything to do with resources

scarce resources

aka church fan

dats why di whole a dem pack up deh, dem waan siddung front a di fan

and it mek perfect sense. yu ever sidding inna a full church pon a hot sunday?

and yu realise say maybe you should consider making your church clothes cotton, because this crinoline and polyester mix is allowing no oxygen through

furthermore everybody keep dem church clothes in a special place, a place sprinkled gently wid camphor ball fi stone dog

and body heat mek di camphor tun up

and when dat mix in with the dax  hair dressing pomade, florida water, and every barrel-come bokkle a perfume and cologne inna di district, and then dat go marinate up wid di one smaddy weh nein bathe before dem come because dem leff dance and come almost directly

and den yu bake dat pon low heat fi two hours while pastor up deh a preach and beseech.

worse when no breeze nah blow

or church window small

tek me word

a nuh always spirit a walk through the church,

eyes they were overcome

but not by the word of the Lord

and them that have been touched before know better

reach church early

siddung fronta di fan


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